Cheese and Chats with Jeanie Jyanti
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Casey Berglund: [00:00:00] Hello, my friend, welcome back to the Purpose Map Podcast. This is Kasey Berglund, your host and the founder of Worthy Well. And today on the pod, we have a returning guest, Jeanne Giante is the founder of Alchemy School of Yoga, a dear, dear friend of mine, and she came to visit me from Ireland to Barcelona for 36 hours.
And we just had a magical, magical time. And that time kicked off with me making an epic charcuterie board and us sitting at the table and turning on the mic and seeing what wanted to come through in our opening connection, really. And there's a lot here. I find that sometimes the most meaningful podcast episodes are the ones where there is.
Simply an authentic conversation with someone I love. So in this episode, you'll hear about [00:01:00] relationships and attachment styles, woke culture, trigger warnings, black and white thinking, yoga, narcissists, the spirituality of death. And we each share a little bit more about what it was like for each of us to lose a parent.
Now, of course, you've been hearing an undertone in some of these episodes where the concept of grief comes in, or I share a little bit more about losing my dad. And I, I'm coming to feel like this isn't just important for those of us who have lost a parent. This is important for those of us who want to live.
If you're listening to this and you don't resonate with our stories like around death and loss, still listen in because there's so many illuminating bits of wisdom that come about like life and living and sucking the juice out of the present moment as we share more about how Loss has changed [00:02:00] each of us.
We are eating quite a lot in this episode. So there will be a few little like munchie sounds, mostly at the beginning. And I just love that a thing that Jeannie and I connect on is our deep, deep love of food. Our 36 hours was rich with charcuterie, tapas, brunch, snacks, dessert, coffee, tea, all the goodness.
So if you're a foodie like us welcome to the club. Anyway, I'll let you tune into the episode and check in with you at the end. That's some melty cheese. All right. That is some
Jeanie Jyanti: cheese. I don't know where to start.
Casey Berglund: What? It looks like you're about to pray. I'm sorry, I was just like, where are we going to start?
Should we chant the mantra? Yeah, do I
Jeanie Jyanti: remember it? Oh God, I've said it so many times now. Go on, see if you can do it. Okay. [00:03:00] Sometimes I think it just comes back to you eventually.
Casey Berglund: Okay, close your eyes. Okay. Okay. Hmm.
It's completely gone.
Jeanie Jyanti: Don't worry. Like, the first word? It's only because I just backed up. Wait, you know it.
Casey Berglund: Yeah, because I'm Leave me. I don't remember. I'm sorry. I thought you wanted to, like, test yourself. Well, I did. But nothing came to me. I Basically, what came to me was the Akhandha Mantra. Oh, yeah, yeah.
But it's a different one. You haven't been back since 2019, have you? No, not since we last saw each other. That's
Jeanie Jyanti: mad. It's bra umbrella. Oh, old.[00:04:00]
It does something to the food, I think. Yeah. Thank you for putting
Casey Berglund: this back. Mm-Hmm.
Could you imagine a full podcast of just like chewing ASMR ? What is that? A mdr RA SMR
Jeanie Jyanti: asmr. I dunno. It stands for,
Casey Berglund: I think I was combining that with, so it's ASMR. Yeah, I think so.
Jeanie Jyanti: With EMDR. Oh, yeah, yeah. Have you ever done that? Yes. It's supposed to be amazing, is it? Mm hmm.
Casey Berglund: 3D. Trauma release. Mm hmm. But I think it's pretty intense. Yeah, I haven't done a lot of it. And I have friends who have for specific traumas, like Yeah.
Sexual trauma and [00:05:00] otherwise, and I think it's been pretty intense. Mm-Hmm. for
Jeanie Jyanti: them because you revisit the memory, I
Casey Berglund: think. Yeah. Mm-Hmm. in the, in a somatic way. Like in the body. Yeah. Mm-Hmm. .
Jeanie Jyanti: Yeah. My ex does it a lot, as in as a therapist.
Casey Berglund: Oh my God, I had a dream about you and him. No, go on. Holy shit, it's just coming back to me.
I meant to tell you about this. Okay, the essence of it was in the dream, you and he didn't know each other. And okay, in the dream, you were both there, but kind of separate. And I was like, Jeannie, what about him? And then I got lucid and I was aware that I was dreaming in the dream. That's never happened to me.
And I was like, whoa, they've already dated. They know each other. This is a, this is an old thing. It was
Jeanie Jyanti: [00:06:00] so strange. That's so interesting. Is that
Casey Berglund: recently? Since I've been here. Cause
Jeanie Jyanti: two, three weekends ago or two, three weekends ago, we ran a training together.
Casey Berglund: Yeah, I knew that, I think. And like,
Jeanie Jyanti: on the training, I was like, when I said to him, I was like, I love you so much.
I'm so glad you're in my life. But like, and I don't know what form he'll be in my life, going forward. But I'm so glad he's still in my life. Like, we needed to not talk for like, a year, or I did anyway. He probably did too.
Casey Berglund: What happened for you in that time?
Jeanie Jyanti: Hmm, that's a good question. I did a lot of healing, relationship stuff. Because I think, No, part was old patterns and negative thought patterns, but part was definitely real. But I didn't, I started to not feel safe with them, not feel secure actually is the word. And I definitely started to go into that pattern.
I remember one day we had a talk about it. [00:07:00] And I felt like we were having the same conversation that we'd had four times already, kind of thing. And I said to him, this keeps happening, what can we do so that this doesn't happen anymore? And I'll never forget what he said. He said, I wish sometimes you'd give me the benefit of the doubt.
It's like he was like, I just inherently don't trust men. In a relationship, you know, it's like, you're going to hurt me, so I might as well just be able to predict it, but I don't want to be that way, so I still fall in love and still want the niceness, but then I'm on the alert, kind of. So, I don't think he did anything that I didn't know about or anything like that, but I started to knock it safe, and then to feel like that in a poly relationship is like, Right, extra, even more.
I think I definitely started to develop more secure attachments, both friendships, relationships, Claude has been huge helping with that. Cause you know, you have to be with another person to be in a relationship, even if it's not romantic. Yeah. And I think I, I [00:08:00] also stepped back and kind of got over that.
My partner has to be everything to me thing. And I think he on paper was the, the bit that I thought was missing for my dreams of the future. And I was kind of letting him fill that hole as opposed to, hang on, I can do this myself and then have someone else that can be a part of it a hundred percent beautiful.
But I think when we broke up, I didn't just grieve him as a human. Like, Oh, we had this dream together and we had, you know, this idea, he had a similar idea to me and still does. And actually he's seeing someone new now who's absolutely beautiful and they're pregnant, which I'm so happy for them. Do you want to have a baby?
I don't think so. I tune into it every now and again. I feel like that's not where my work is. You know and obviously I'm open to that changing, but also I don't think I ever, like I love kids. If [00:09:00] you see me, if you saw me with kids, you'd be like, Oh my God, she's going to be a great mom or she must really want kids.
But I don't feel like it's, sometimes I'm like, is it selfish? But I'm like, I just don't feel like that would suit how I work in the world, do you know what I mean? And how I feel like I'm here to do stuff for others, you know? But I love holding space for pregnant people, for parents, you know, love playing with kids.
You know
Casey Berglund: what's interesting, you know how some people say that, you know, you can't fully guide someone unless you've had the experience yourself. And I feel like that's so not true. I feel like you not having kids gives you a unique perspective around guiding people with kids or pregnant people or through a postpartum experience [00:10:00] because of not having kids in the same way that you have.
You know, I've been single a lot of my life and my coaching clients would come to me with a lot of like marriage relationship issues or be like, Hey, can my partner come into a coaching session or whatever? And I'd coach them both. And it was almost like my singleness or my standards as a single person was like the perspective that they needed for their relationship.
And it wasn't like, Oh, Casey, you just don't understand. You don't get it. And I'm like, whether. I was in a relationship or not. Here are the flags I see.
Jeanie Jyanti: Yeah, yeah. And here's
Casey Berglund: where it seems like there's some settling happening. What do you really
Jeanie Jyanti: want? From an impartial perspective as well. Yeah, exactly.
Casey Berglund: I'm not projecting my own relationship shit onto that person.
You're not projecting your own motherhood stuff. You're, you're more of a clear channel to guide
Jeanie Jyanti: and support. And I'm sure you're the same in coaching. Like when I teach, it's like, I'm not telling you what to do. I'm helping you tune into your inner world. Yeah. So like. [00:11:00] Obviously, it's helpful that I studied pregnancy and birth and chat to moms all of the time, chat to parents all of the time, because otherwise it's like.
Oh, she just pushed the baby out. That's grand. You know, like,
Casey Berglund: what's kind of ironic about that comment at this time right now is like, obviously my whole thing is around letting your body leave. It's about guiding people back into their own sovereignty, right? Like I'm not, I'm not telling you what to do.
I'm helping you come to your own wisdom. Like, obviously that's a big part of what I give a shit about in the world. And it's just ironic because yesterday I, in both my client sessions, really like allowed myself to unleash what I see and give advice. And it felt like the most empowered, natural, most beneficial thing for the people that I was serving, for the one on one clients especially.
And it really helped me to question. Whether I'm playing small [00:12:00] in my leadership through coaching people to come to their own conclusions versus helping to activate them and fast track them on a path, you know, and so it's led to in my journal this morning, I was actually like journaling about a new, not taking away my old offers that are really about coaching and self sovereignty.
And I think, I think what I'm realizing is that that. Outer authority and like you and I both are mental projectors and human design. So we're literally here to be an outer authority for other people because of how we think and I realized that it's the timing of that that matters. So I think I have this little theory that.
Because I do so much of helping people come back to their own sovereignty first and ground into that, that once they're connected with their inner wisdom, my advice is just giving them something to respond to. And it's like, I mostly serve generators and manifesting generators according to human [00:13:00] design, so they need something to respond to.
So if I were like, here's what I see and here's what I think you should do. How does that land with you? It could be the exact wisdom that they need to actually find their truth within it, you know? And so I've just been contemplating how I think like, ethical advice giving in a highly conscious way is a missing piece of the puzzle in the coaching sphere.
Jeanie Jyanti: It's really interesting. And I think if it was, this is what you have to do, no excuses, do it. That can be dangerous. As opposed to you're in your seventies, so are they. This is what I see. This is what I can see happening next. How does that feel for you? That's a very different form of advice giving.
That's true.
Casey Berglund: There's a check in
Jeanie Jyanti: at the end. Yes, exactly. Because so many people are like, this is the way I did it and now everyone has to do it this way. Yeah. And you need to pay me money to do it this way. What's
Casey Berglund: interesting is I only give advice that's like. [00:14:00] Kind of customized to exactly what's showing up for that, you know, like I'll give advice based on what I know about their energy and their chart and their, so it's funny because like the advice is directly connected back to them, trusting themselves and their vision.
And it's like, I think you should stop questioning yourself with this big vision and allow yourself to do X and Y and Z because that's what your energy wants to hold and not limit yourself by some perspective that you need to niche, you know, like that, that's a totally different. And that's just like me giving advice to follow their own intuition or not.
That's a really
Jeanie Jyanti: good point because again, if they're in their sovereignty and you say something that doesn't land, they'll feel that in their body and they know how to respond to it.
Casey Berglund: Oh, and I think the best part about the best part about it for me. Is I am literally not attached and I'm not triggered if someone else is triggered by what I say because that's information for them to get closer to the truth, you [00:15:00] know, I'm so tired of trigger warnings.
Yeah,
Jeanie Jyanti: I heard. So we did this on the psychology course. Because we were talking about how, okay, here are all the tools you can use to keep your students and people you work with safe. And we learned lots about trauma and all of these things, but also about how it can be toxic for a lot of people to wrap everyone up in cotton wool.
And Stephen was talking on it about a study that they did where they wrote the same article and showed it to two different groups and one had a trigger warning at the start and one didn't and then they asked them to respond to how traumatic they felt the article was. And of course the people with the trigger warning rated it way more traumatic than people without.
Wow. So that's science, bitch. So I think it's really important to not like Start, hey guys, just popping on here to talk to you about pregnancy loss and all, you know, like, and just to like, talk about dead babies, but also not be like, everyone just stay where you are and wrapped up safe and [00:16:00] warm and don't risk anything and stay in your comfort zone and I'm just going to pander around to everyone, you know, like that's a very different
Casey Berglund: energy, I think.
I think, that's a problem with woke culture. Yes. Is it actually promotes victim consciousness. Yeah. And conflict. And
Jeanie Jyanti: it's so hard. Separation. Separation. Fuck that shit. It's all about unity. But all of these things are so nuanced, aren't they? Because like, and also it's a huge term, woke culture. I have recently been around a few people who are of an older generation to me, and they were like, Oh, all this woke culture and they, thems and all these things, you know, and that was pure maybe lack of education and awareness.
And it was coming from a really
Casey Berglund: unconscious,
Jeanie Jyanti: contracted place as opposed to, you know totally. And I see it in Ireland a lot because someone asked me recently what's Ireland like as a [00:17:00] country? And I was like, Oh. We used to be super conservative and we've gone really liberal now. And I, I think I just said a comment like sometimes I wonder too quickly, too, too much too too And they were like, what do you mean by that?
And I was like, I just remember like a few years ago. So abortion was still illegal in Ireland only up until I think 2018. And when we voted, whether we wanted to make it legal or not, and obviously there was huge, what's the word, it's campaigns and things and people picking sides. And someone said to me.
Oh, I assume you were, you know, firing abortion. And I was like, I am pro choice. I said, but no one is talking about the, when is it going to be up to, how is it going to be done? Are there going to be any restrictions? I was like, you know, can we talk about the, and I was just kind of making that point and they were like, Oh, I assumed you'd be, you'd be voting yes.
And I was like, yeah, but it's not a yes or no. It's a, what [00:18:00] happens in the middle? I just didn't get that point of like. Yeah. You don't, just cause I'm young, I was younger at the time. I'm not going to be yes to everything new that's being proposed. I'm going to actually question it and make decisions and, and it's those in between spaces that I think often aren't facilitated where people are petrified to say stuff because they might get it wrong or they don't have a space where they can talk about it because someone.
Like you were saying a minute ago is so attached to themselves being right, that they want to change the mind of the other person. Instead of like, let's just talk about it and see where we lie. You don't have to make up your mind if you go to vote
Casey Berglund: or, you know, yeah. I think that's a really good example of A difference in a level of consciousness, you know, like, obviously, I think our consciousness is elevating, you know, but I think like right and wrong, black and [00:19:00] white, it's like, at a lower level of consciousness.
That is the perspective. That's the lens through which people see life, you know, And as you evolve and you like grow, there is more nuance from those like higher states of awareness because you start to see things not as good or bad or right or wrong, but as all part of the same whole, you know, and there's like purpose to each of it.
It's
Jeanie Jyanti: like what you're saying with your giving advice. You're not just going to decide on a Monday, all of my clients, I'm going to tell to go fresh today. Yeah. And then tomorrow I'm going to tell them, hold back. You know, it's like, you're not just picking a place and staying there. And I know people do that and I've done that before out of pure convenience because you're overwhelmed by all of the thoughts and all of the choices.
And maybe you've never actually learned what it's like to tune into nuance and to tune into how it's feeling in your body and to decide that like you might wake up on Tuesday. And you feel like this, but that could change by Tuesday afternoon, you know, and that you're allowed [00:20:00] change. Yeah. And, and this is, you do see it so much in more developed countries, didn't pick up on my tone there.
Where it's like, are you Democrat or Republican? Are you, you know, educated or not? Are you wealthy or not? You know, that it's this huge binary of. You fit into this category, you need to stay there now, and there's no room for change or movement, you know? Yeah,
Casey Berglund: and what's interesting, just like hearing you speak of that, is like, there's a difference between it has to be this way or that way for all people, and like, That's a no for me, you know, like the difference is I connect with the nuance in my body and tune into the truth and sometimes that there's a strong truth that's a yes and a strong truth that's a no, or there's a strong inner sense of what's [00:21:00] for me ethically right, but that doesn't mean that it, that's true for everyone.
Yeah, I
Jeanie Jyanti: know that's a really good point.
Casey Berglund: Oh, embodiment. What a great superpower magic tool. Always with you. Yeah. It's so cheap and easy and accessible. I always
Jeanie Jyanti: come back to your TED talk, like, it's just so, and I know that's kind of binary in a way. Yeah. Oh, it works. Yeah. It just works. I think. And it's like, I really tune in to it when I noticed that the mind is jumping on board and it's like, Oh, you should do that thing because it's a great opportunity and dah, dah, dah.
You know, like, no. And actually, I was. I was thinking of it the other day because I was on this call about updating my website and the guy who was doing the work for me was like you know, you have a tab about your podcast on your website. I think it should be on your home [00:22:00] screen. And then he said, how's the podcast doing?
And I said, Oh, like we haven't recorded in the last few months because my co host is studying at the moment. She just doesn't have the time. And he was like how many listens? And I was telling him, and he's like, Oh my God, that's amazing. He's like, how did you do that? And I was like, honestly, with no effort in a sense that I'm sure if we put some effort into the promo of it, or, you know, or maybe
Casey Berglund: the fact that you haven't put effort into it is why it's because of the energetic lack of attachment.
I'm
Jeanie Jyanti: sure for sure. That's part of it. But he kind of asked me, Oh cause he's running a soon. I'm like, Finding her voice in the wellness space. And I was like, the reason we did the podcast is 'cause there was no yoga podcast that I enjoyed listening to. Mm-Hmm. . So
Casey Berglund: it's like they were run by the yoga narcissist.
Yeah. Maybe
Jeanie Jyanti: or they all seemed so naty. I'll just put down my green smoothie and let's talk about consciousness and that's fine. But like I for talking [00:23:00] consciousness like this and I was like, there's no yoga podcast that I want to listen to that kind of. Okay. I might learn something from them and I might find out about a new piece of research or something.
Cool. But that's learning. There's no podcast that I, yoga podcast that I listen to for enjoyment. Yeah. And I was like, I have so much fun and I get so much joy and expansion from chatting to my friends about yoga. So why don't we just record that? Yeah. You know, and that's, I think why it's been so popular.
Yeah, it's
Casey Berglund: true. And like, if, I don't know if I were to name the podcast. Oh, Namaste, welcome. The first one that you shared about like, yeah, let me sit down with my green smoothie and meditate. And my life is perfect
Jeanie Jyanti: and I never do
Casey Berglund: anything wrong. And yeah, exactly. I feel like your podcast is way more effervescent.
I
Jeanie Jyanti: like that word. Yeah. Bubbly. And like half the time we're not talking about yoga at
Casey Berglund: all. Yeah, but it's all yoga. Yoga is life.
Jeanie Jyanti: Yeah. [00:24:00] And like we were saying earlier, if you're, if your yoga practice, your spiritual practice, your wellness practice, isn't making you a nicer, happier, more enjoyable person. I don't mean to be around.
I mean, as you as a whole, then why are you doing it? So you're just taking the box, you know, it should be impacting your life in a beautiful way. It should be making you. More authentic and finding your voice and able to tune into the body's wisdom and you know, yeah, and I think one of the best feedback we ever got was I love laughing and learning at the same time.
Oh, that's so good. And those people who don't like yoga listen to it, or who don't do yoga, you know? And there's Loads of people in that category who say they don't like yoga because they don't align with that. My life is so perfect and serene and here I am floating in, hanging off a tree, you know.
Casey Berglund: I'm on a swing, I'm about to land.
Like that's very dangerous to swing off a [00:25:00] cliff, my dear. Look how
Jeanie Jyanti: expansive and joyous I am. And it's like, no, I want to see you feeling expansive and joyous when. There's a war going on and you know, you're trying to get through your day to day grind and you know, or whatever's going on for you. Obviously marketing doesn't look so good on the website, but
Casey Berglund: Yeah, but you'll find something
Jeanie Jyanti: in between.
Yeah. Yeah, sure.
Food. Nourishment. So good. Watching people who don't enjoy food do on it. Seriously, I actually don't understand. I often think about it like What do they think about? What's in their mind? Like when they're not eating? No, like, you know, people are like, oh, I forget to eat or I'm not bothered about food. Okay.
Casey Berglund: I've become that person a little bit. Interesting. Which I never ever imagined that I would. You know, when I was a dietitian working in like private, kind of a private clinic, [00:26:00] these executives would come in and Yeah. Constantly be like, Oh yeah, I didn't eat lunch or I forgot to eat or I went to bed without eating dinner.
Oops. And I'm like, what the fuck? Like, I'm just like waiting for lunch and I realized for me that part of my relationship with food was because like part of my constantly thinking about food then was because I wasn't in alignment with my purpose. Interesting. And so food was like my only source of pleasure versus doing meaningful work.
That's so good. And now I feel like I'm so lit up by everything that I'm doing that I will sometimes be like, oh shit, I haven't eaten, but then I'll be like, what do I want to eat? And it'll like, kind of excite me that I'm hungry and that I'm ready for it. And. And I also feel, I guess, as someone who, like, came from having an eating disorder, being, like, constantly thinking about food, hyper focused on food, it's a nice [00:27:00] reminder of, like, wow, I really don't have food issues.
Like, it's so easy, you know? Like, for me, forgetting to eat is a very Or it could be a very normal occurrence every so often as a human to just like, like you're a human or like overeating. What a normal occurrence. Like, I hope that we overeat a little bit tonight, you know, like why not?
Jeanie Jyanti: Yeah, no, I've definitely used food in the past as like to fill a hole.
Like you said, I'm not fulfilled or I'm not nourished in other areas of my life. So this is my only pleasure, my joy. And I've definitely used food as a control of like, Punishment, reward, all that stuff. But I definitely feel a bit more balanced with it now, in the sense of like, I'm so enjoying this.
I love how much you love food as well, but equally, you know, if I'm in the middle of something or doing something, I often, like you said, feel nourished in so many ways. I noticed [00:28:00] this in the ashram action. I think this has a lot to do with the prana, like the energy that you're getting from the yoga practice, from the fire puja, just from being in the space.
And then it's like, Oh my God, like you don't just get energy from food, you know, and obviously I'm not at all saying you replace. Food with chanting,
Casey Berglund: you know, but, but you do kind of, yeah, but you do. Yeah. I love that. I don't know. Just like to be nerdy about yoga for a minute, the kind of deeper practices and philosophies around yoga.
Like I remember the first time that we were in the ashram together, learning about different ways to increase your personal prana or life force, right? Like the sun gives you prana food that's. Nourishing and alive gives prana, being in the presence of like enlightened masters. Yeah. Your environment.
Yeah. Your
Jeanie Jyanti: environment. The ocean. The woods. Some people it's the city, you know? Yeah. And do you know what [00:29:00] another one is? Your spiritual belief. or your spiritual practice can give it to you. Say more about that. So
my mom had amazing faith, but it represented itself in the Catholic church just because that's what we had in Ireland. But I knew she really disagreed with a lot of their practices, but I knew she still got solace from praying and going to mass and doing all these things. And at the time I was definitely in my, if it's not science, I don't believe it kind of era.
Yeah. And I was like, Oh my God, she's so stupid, you know, for believing in all of these things. They're not real. And similarly, I have a really amazing aunt who's deeply, deeply connected to the church as well and has an altar in her house and prays every day. And it tells me how she prays for each and every one of us and people who are sick.
Beautiful. I was always like, you know, younger. Oh, she's so weird. And I was really jealous of my mom's faith, actually, in a way. So I thought it was weird, but I was also jealous. I was like, I [00:30:00] wish I had. Less rational knowledge that I believed in this too. Yeah. And then slowly as I started to move out of science and more into yoga and more into spirituality, I was like, Oh shit, now I have an alter.
And now I take a moment to think of people who are unwell or who need my help and prayers or intentions for them. And I was like, it's exactly the same as what they were doing. thing I judged, you know, and it's like, Now, maybe I feel sorry for people who don't have that, and I feel really fortunate that I found it because it's not rational.
It's not something you can explain, I don't think, or, I mean, you can, but each person has to experience it for themselves. And I've heard students use different words, like someone said to me before, that practice felt really meaningful. And I was like, that's a really interesting word, meaningful. You know, it felt like it was more than.
Yes. But it meant [00:31:00] more than your average, I'm going to move my body and breathe, you know? And I, so I always come back to that word meaningful. It's like, that was her way of describing what was actually potentially a profound spirit or not, maybe not profound, a spiritual experience where she maybe felt connected to something more for the first time.
So I think it's different things for different people. I think it's. No, it represents itself as different things for different people, but it is in essence a sense of unity. As I'm saying that now, I'm like, is that what I believe? Hmm. I find it really hard to talk about because I'm not. It's a feeling as opposed to, yeah, this is where you come in with your amazing language.
Casey Berglund: Well, I don't know if I have the language yet, but I do have a question kind of brewing that's coming to me. Just given, I don't know, given that my dad died this, this summer. And [00:32:00] so like. That's my, it's my first like profound experience of loss. I mean, I really felt it when my grandpa Louie passed away, his dad.
That was the first cold forehead I kissed was my grandpa
Jeanie Jyanti: Louie. Same. That's one of my first memories of death is kissing a cold forehead.
Casey Berglund: Yeah. Yeah. I remember shoving, shoving, shoving. Probably it wasn't that graceful. Like note in his pocket, in his coffin. almost like jumping in the coffin and giving my grandpa a hug.
I was eight. God. Yeah. And so um, yeah, I, I'm, for me being present for my dad's death was hands down the most spiritually awakening experience of my life so far. And I've had a lot of spiritually awakening experiences. [00:33:00] And yeah, I'm just like curious how, I'm curious, like in your timeline from like, if it's not science, it's not real to like having a spiritual practice in your own altar.
Yeah. Where in that process did you experience loss? And how did that impact your spiritual awareness, if it did at all, cause that might be me projecting my own shit.
Jeanie Jyanti: No, it did. And actually really interesting. Like I was present when my mom passed as well, and that was super profound. I just didn't have the language or the tools to understand it at the time, but now on reflection, you know, cause I was only 23, but I lost my first grandparent when I was seven or eight as well, I think, and then lost two more grandparents.
And then lost my mom by 23. So I had lost four very influential caregivers by the time I [00:34:00] was 23, and I'd just turned 23 when my mom passed away. And I was an immature 23 looking back emotionally, you know and I was definitely overwhelmed a lot because I think I was very aware and just was fighting it.
And. I don't think, because I wasn't that present when it happened, in the sense that I was there, but I don't think I was able to be super present in my body when my mom passed away, but I definitely remember the exact moment where she was no longer my mom. Where like, I didn't see her soul leaving her body, but like, She went from being my mom to not my mom, just a body, you know, so again, I don't think I had the words or the tools to kind of understand that at the time, but looking back now, I totally remember that.
Casey Berglund: Can you slow that down? Yeah. Slow that down. Like the moment where you noticed that your mom had shifted. Yeah. Like, what else can you say about
Jeanie Jyanti: that? [00:35:00] I remember being fascinated because her brother, my mom's brother, is a geriatric nurse and he'd been nursing her at home. And I remember him coming into the kitchen and myself, my sister and brother were there.
And he said, get into the room now. And we were like, yeah, we'll be there in a minute. And he said, no, no. So he knew she was about to go. Like we knew she was dying. We knew it was going to be over the next day or two, but we didn't know when, whereas he knew because he'd been with so many bodies who were passing.
And I remember being fascinated at that, that how did he know? And I'm sure there's medical science, but I also feel like there's intuition there of like, yeah, the soul is literally departing the body. And I, I know different. Philosophies have different theories about when the soul leaves and all of these things, but I feel like my mom's went.
Went somewhere. Wherever it went, it went quickly. Like it was almost instantaneous. But I've forgotten your question, what was your [00:36:00] question?
Casey Berglund: Just about how that influenced you spiritually.
Jeanie Jyanti: Oh yeah.
Casey Berglund: Oh, and I asked you to kind of slow down that moment where you witnessed your
Jeanie Jyanti: mom change. Yeah. And I remember, I think that was the moment, the first time I felt really scared actually because she was no longer my mom, whereas like we knew she was going to pass, but she was still there.
Yeah. Yeah. Whereas it felt like she was no longer there. Mm hmm. It's really interesting. I never thought about it like that. Yeah. I think scared was the feeling of like, Oh shit, she's gone. This is real. This is happening. But I feel like that's definitely influenced me in the sense of one, life's too short stopped doing all the things people tell you to do because you can go at any moment.
And I don't think my mom had many regrets, but we got lots of time to talk to her, but she was definitely like, Live your life's kind of stuff, which I think after that I started to realize actually I'm not living my life I'm doing [00:37:00] all of these things that I thought I had to do to be a good girl and a good member of society And you know, it's like I actually don't want to do any of these things at all I think naturally following your path will help you there.
They're so interlinked to your spirituality and that yes and I think there was so much stuff that I was not dealing with because I used to get overwhelmed. Like my mom often said that like if new people came to the house I would get so overwhelmed I would just run to a corner and just put my head against the wall.
You know what it was like? I feel like it was like I was so sensitive to all these new energies. That I was like, can't cope, can't compute, I don't have the skills as a six year old child to deal with this kind of thing. And sometimes I get, I get a little bit like that. I present as an extrovert for sure, but it's like, I can get overwhelmed if there's too many people or I feel like how do I describe it?
I don't want to say negative energy or bad energy, but you know, like [00:38:00] shit that people are
Casey Berglund: when you're picking up on some congruent,
Jeanie Jyanti: yes, not expansive, constrictive, but so I think around that time as well, I was like, okay, life actually isn't very cool right now. And I have a load of stuff that I don't, again, I didn't have the understanding.
And actually, this is really interesting because this has come up in the last week. I remember my mom's friend ringing me a few weeks after she died and she was like, would you think of going to see a therapist? And I was like, what for? Can you imagine like that's how I, in my head, a therapist was for someone who was like a drug addict or someone with like unmedicated schizophrenia or you know that like, and she was like, and I'll never forget a word she said your mom just died.
And I was like, Oh shit, yeah, maybe we should talk to someone about that. And I think, and this came up recently because I was running a rest workshop, and someone asked. Does there have to be something wrong with you to [00:39:00] come to this? And that made me so sad, I was like, because I think I definitely tuned into that part to me as well.
It was like, Oh, well, I'm fine. I'm a functioning member of society. I'm not, you know, drinking alcohol every day and, you know, but like there's so many other unhealthy things that I was doing. And yeah, so I think. That really made me realize that, yeah, you don't, there's nothing wrong with you. And also what more valid reason to go to a therapist.
Your mom has just died. Oh my God. I think from years of therapy and years of always being drawn to moving my body naturally, the spirituality element came. And I think It's kind of exhausting knowing everything scientifically. Not that I know everything scientifically. Yeah. But like, I definitely got to this point.
I remember it specifically in about halfway through third year in university of studying chemistry, where I was like, I don't want to learn anymore. I was like, I get it. Like, I get it. That's not like, I know chemistry [00:40:00] now. No, I don't. But like, this is how atoms move. This is how fascinating it is. And actually, the more you study that you're like, This is way too intelligent and divine to be, not like to be, to not be magic or a miracle or whatever words you want to use, you know.
So interestingly, I think discovering science. That's led me to spirituality and now when someone's like, prove it, I'm like, I really, it's so true for me. I'm going to offer it to you if it feels true for you. Great. If not, I'll signpost know? Yeah. It's like, do we have to prove everything?
Casey Berglund: It's exhausting.
Yeah. Yeah. Wow. That's what I remember. Yeah. Thanks for sharing that. I noticed naturally and still maybe a little shift in your energy talking about your mom, which makes perfect sense. And I'm just like curious how you're feeling in your body.
Jeanie Jyanti: Yeah. It's, it's so [00:41:00] interesting. I think I'm conscious of not upsetting you as well.
I'm sure it's so fresh for you and your dad. And it's like
14 or 15 years. And it's like days and weeks go by. Not that I don't think about her, but it's like. Life is great and everything's fine and then you get these moments randomly where you're not even Expecting it or thinking about it where you're just like, oh shit. Yeah, that's really tough. That was really hard And
yeah, my sister and I were talking about this the other day, you miss her at the most random times Yeah, you know not the birthdays and the Christmas or whatever because you kind of prepared to expect to miss them then but it's like Yeah, the word that keeps coming up, this is so interesting because I've done so much work on this and I have never thought about this word before.
This [00:42:00] is your gift. Is scared?
Casey Berglund: How
Jeanie Jyanti: scared I was.
Casey Berglund: Mm hmm. Yeah. Mm hmm. So interesting. Yeah. And I'm almost sensing from you, like little Jeannie and Jeannie in her thirties and like a future Jeannie, like grandma Jeannie. Right now, like it almost feels like the emotion is like a heart centered care and compassion for that scared 23 year old, you know, like there's actually felt
Jeanie Jyanti: like Nine year old, you know, or like exactly that person who is, cause I noticed this with kids actually you get to that point, it can be different for every kid where it's like, you're no longer a baby, but you want to be a baby at times you want to be babied, but you're also old enough to know better and to, you know, and so I definitely felt like I was caught in that kind of, Oh shit, I need to be a pseudo parent to my younger brother.
And run a [00:43:00] household. Yeah. But I'm also only 23.
Casey Berglund: Yeah. You know? Yeah. And with so much support, you're so lucky. But still. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I love you. I love you too. Thank you. You're always What
Jeanie Jyanti: words did you use the other day? Or earlier?
I don't know. The word I want to use is penetrating, but not in a negative way. It's like Let's get rid of all this shit. Boom. What's going on in there? You know? Yeah.
Casey Berglund: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I appreciate you thinking of me and the possibility of your experience. It's weird. I'm finding I have a weird relationship with the word grief.
It's like, it's like grief is kind of like a catchall phrase for what I should be calling this thing that I'm experiencing after my dad. Yeah, [00:44:00] has died and yet it feels like a bit of a cop out word for me, you know, it's like. Is it grief or is it yearning or longing or sadness or anger or like it feels like grief sort of catches all these nuanced words.
Anyway, that's my obsession with language and like the frequency of it. Like language is what we use to validate each other's experiences, you know, it's just like whether it should be that way or not. Like, of course, there's a hug and a deep breath that has meaning too. But anyway, the point of it is for, for the sake of, I'm gonna use the word grief.
Like, thanks for being mindful of how you sharing your experience might trigger my grief. And that, that's been an experience that I've had in relationship with other people. I've been talking to lots of people who've lost parents, and [00:45:00] there's a consciousness, and people who haven't, who are sharing about something that's hard for them, and they're sort of like, oh, but sorry, like, I know you just lost your dad.
And it's, it's really interesting because I, I'm not feeling that, I haven't this whole time. Whereas, You know, like I know my mom is really sensitive to what, what others are saying about their lives or about and kind of judging it as so little compared to losing your husband, you know, like almost like a comparison thing.
And that makes perfect sense. Like, I think that's a really normal response, but it's odd almost for me how
easy is the word that's coming to me. Yeah, and connecting and how grateful I am for like, somehow still be a big being able to like hold [00:46:00] kind of a pure space, you know, and to like really like in this context to really like see you in that and to really like feel like I'm in you right now I'm not in my own experience of my dad.
And I'm just like feeling compassion for a scared 23 year old who then had to take care of siblings and who, you know, like Whereas for me, when I just mentioned that, like, this was like one of the most profound spiritual experiences in my life, and I mean that in a, I'm going to say an expansive way, expansive in all directions, right?
Like that doesn't necessarily mean without tears or sadness, it's like this whole big. Unconditionally loving everything is in divine perfection for me. That's what that was. And I guess it just like also makes perfect sense [00:47:00] that for you at 23 in a completely different circumstance with a completely different relationship with your mother.
That, like, the word that keeps coming up is scared. Yeah. It's so interesting. And it's your mother. It's my mom. That's different. I came from her body. That's different than, it's different. Yeah,
Jeanie Jyanti: definitely. And she was the primary caregiver and my secure caregiver, you know, for my life. And it's really interesting and I absolutely, I'm not comparing my dog to my mom, but like I lost, but kind of, but I lost my dog to nearly two years ago and I dealt with that So differently, it was like, of course, I was still sad, but I also found that really super expensive because it was like, I'm no longer, not that I'm no longer scared of death.
And I feel like if I lost a parent now, of course, I would deal with it differently. And like what you were sharing is testament to your growth and the work you've done. Yeah. But like when I knew I had to put my dog down, [00:48:00] I was like, Oh my God, I spent every minute together for the next few days. And, you know, I'm so grateful that he was here, but it's his time to go now.
And it was lovely in a way myself, my sister, she came with me and, you know, we both said at one stage it was almost like revisiting when mom was in hospital. And cause we were much younger and more scared then. Whereas this was way more grounded and embodied and understanding that this is the cycle of life and just because they're gone doesn't mean you can't.
Think of them fondly and move on and experience growth and expansion afterwards. And I always laugh when I think about it because my niece who would have known him the dog all her life. I was three at the time or actually two. She hadn't turned three yet. And my sister like looked up ways to explain.
And I was living next door to them. So she literally saw the dog every day and it was like Gina and Eamon. Like that was, there was no just Jean. It was like, he was always with [00:49:00] me. And. So my sister looked up ways to explain grief to children or to explain death rather to children and explained it to them in all these ways and then I stayed in bed for about a day afterwards and the next day I got up and I was leaving the house and my niece saw me and she ran out to the garden gate and she went, Auntie Jean, is Eamon still dead?
And so like, my sister didn't want to go through the huge details of what was going to happen to his body and everything, but she explained that it means he's no longer going to be here. But to her and her two year old mind, like, well, he's going away, but maybe he's going to come back. That dead meant something else.
And I just said, it just made me laugh so much at the cycle of life, you know, this new being on the earth. And I said to her, I said, yes, darling, you said dead means that like in this life, they're not going to come back again. And she went. Oh, mommy said he's gone to Kevin. And I was like, no, it's heaven.
Understood it because
Casey Berglund: her friend is Kevin. [00:50:00]
Jeanie Jyanti: And I was just like, Oh my God, here's this beautiful joy held with this. Let's use grief. And I was like, and the cycle of life, you know, and it's like, and that wasn't a toxic, positive pasting over the grief, you know, but it's just like, I can be sad at this loss.
And actually my niece is called Annie after my mom, so it's like this lovely kind of. whole cycle of things. And I am absolutely not afraid of death. I mean, I'm sure if the time comes for me, I'll have the natural fears that everyone has, but it's like, I do know some people who still have all four grandparents, both parents, you know, not that I worry about them when, when death comes, but it's like, I do feel grateful in a way of the amount of growth that came from all of the loss I've had in my life, you know, and like loss doesn't have to be death either, as you know it's like any challenge you go through and you work through it, you know, yeah, you get bigger, [00:51:00] more expensive.
Casey Berglund: Yeah, yeah, he said something earlier about how, how like those moments where you think of your mom come weirdly randomly, you know, like I'm prepared for Christmas and I heard, I kind of like chuckled inside myself when you said that because I'm like, I've had so many moments where I'm like I could have been prepared for that one.
Like, like, duh, of course, I'm going to have like a grief attack at my friend's wedding when her dad is speaking, you know, like, but I think for me, I mean, I'll prepare for it more in the future, but in the first like few months, it was like, our local community rodeo weekend was two weeks after my dad passed and like my, my grandpa.
The first cold forehead I kissed, my grandpa was the president of the rodeo and my dad was part of it. My whole family basically runs it. It's like, are you
Jeanie Jyanti: sharing that online?
Casey Berglund: Yeah. Yeah. It's like a [00:52:00] Bergland event. And you know, and still I was sort of surprised, like, I don't know. I'm like, why am I surprised by the feelings that are coming up around this?
Cause they're intense. They're so intense when they come and they come like pummeling. And then, yeah, my friend's wedding, I just like, there were so many layers to it. There was like the, the grief part that I was really feeling. And also like, you'd think I'd be prepared for, I don't know, being the only single person at the wedding, but when you've like desired partnership or whatever, what's true is there were two single people at the wedding and the other single person there is.
We're literally in his apartment right now in Spain. So thank you. Thank you. Thank you. And to your point about like joy and that grief being in the same space, it's like, it's literally because of the vulnerability of my own grief at that wedding, that a deep connection was built with him. He literally like [00:53:00] noticed that I was gone after the speeches.
When everyone else was watching, you know, the couple get married and their parents speak, he was attuned to how my energy shifted and the emotions that were showing up in my face and that I had left. Yeah. And he came and found me and like, we had like a moment where he just like held me in my tears, you know?
And, and I think it's super ironic. Like it's super ironic. My last name is Bergland. It's Swedish. My dad wanted to travel to one place and that was Sweden to like be in the land of his ancestors and he was terrified of flying. He was scared of flying. I didn't know that. So he never left. He never traveled.
He drove, my mom and dad drove like and took a camper. Like they drive through North America. I don't know if he's ever crossed the pond, you know? And so here in my moment of grief, I connect with a man who is 100 percent [00:54:00] Swedish. Has a dad in Sweden is a pilot who flies around the world. It there's like too many crazy ironic things.
My, my brother's having an experience of that right now. That's like, it's like his dream is coming true, but in a way that's kind of like a, a funny joke from above. Okay. You know, like you can't make that shit up in a way. Yeah. And. I don't know. It's just fascinating to me. So, so yeah, it's like, I've been surprised by moments of grief in settings where afterward I'm like, Oh, I should have predicted that.
Like, a couple months ago, Eric and I went out to this little, like tiny home in the country and we like drove out on a gravel road and there was like a fence and it was, it was before I moved to the farm to live with my mom for a bit. And it's like, Oh, I should have predicted that driving down a gravel road and being in like cowboy country [00:55:00] and seeing trees, like I should have predicted that that would be a trigger for me feeling the loss of my dad.
And it just came out of nowhere, you know? And then there's the, the spaces and places in between like getting. A text from my brother randomly when we're walking down the street that he had a dream about dad that was like, Whoa, I did too. And then there's a wave like, or during the song that that was played while he was putting the ground.
Will like take me to a place and, and I just like, I'm not resonating with the, when people say to me like, Oh, I'm so sorry. It's so hard. I just don't feel that it doesn't feel hard. And it doesn't feel like something for me to be sorry for. And it's a [00:56:00] weird thing to declare out loud. What I feel more than anything is like.
a deep reverence and awe and gratitude for the broken openness of my heart. I have zero armor. And for life. And for life.
Jeanie Jyanti: Yeah. For life. Yeah. For life. It's like,
Casey Berglund: it's like I am living and loving so fucking fully in a way I never have before. And all of my dreams are coming true. And. It's just like, it just is, like, it's weird to say that, like, all your dreams come true in the wake of a parent's death, and that's true for me, you know, and my siblings are having different experiences, and that's perfect for them, you know?
Jeanie Jyanti: Yeah, so what's coming through for me there is, do we need to be preferred? Like, you know, we were, sorry, we both shared, oh, you can [00:57:00] predict Christmas is going to be happy. It's like, I don't need to be there. Yeah, let's not, because instead, let's. I know how to meet
Casey Berglund: myself and my body in those moments. Yeah.
And have the most soft, gracious care and compassion. Yeah. And not only that, I also now have a man in my life. Who perfectly holds space for it in a way I've never experienced before. So you're not
Jeanie Jyanti: having to do it for yourself. I'm not alone
Casey Berglund: in it. Like my, my most, those intense moments happen when I'm with Eric.
And for whatever reason, I have some of them on my own, but usually. I'm in conversation or connection with him and it hits me and it's like he doesn't do anything or say anything other outside of like hold this loving space. And if we're together, he'll just like tuck my hair behind my ear, you know, and give me space and I might talk it through or feel it through.
But it's like, [00:58:00] what the fuck? What
Jeanie Jyanti: the fuck? And like, to have gratitude for that, you've come to this point where, instead of trying to predict these tough emotions or these intense emotions coming at certain times, instead you can be like, walking through life. Knowing you've tools in the moment and support in the moment to actually deal with this.
And I, I, I know what you mean about the sorry for your loss. The thing I hated most about my mom's funeral was the
Casey Berglund: The look on your face right now. Oh yeah.
Jeanie Jyanti: Those poor girls, they lost their mom. As opposed to what can I do to support you? Now we had that as well, but it's like when I go to funerals now or do any sort of.
You know, ritual that people do around losing someone, it's like, I often tell them who I am because we just had hundreds of people that we had no idea who they were. And then they were connected to my mom in so many different ways when we didn't know. And I would have loved to have been like, I worked with her in blah, blah, [00:59:00] blah.
Or, you know, yes. So I often say, hi, I'm Jeannie. I'm Casey's friend, you know, Yeah. From Ireland. Yeah. How are you doing? And I, sometimes I will say sorry for her loss and the way Irish people grieve is quite interesting. Now it's definitely changing, but there's an amazing person, I can't remember her first name.
I think it's Elizabeth Kubler Ross. Have you ever heard of her? Yes. She has a book called On Death and Dying. Yes. It's half red on the side of my bed. I'm going to tune into the other half soon. But she was, I think a Swedish. Or else from Switzerland, or maybe neither. She was from somewhere in Europe.
We'll fact check that. She was a psychiatrist, I think, had a holiday home in Ireland, and realized how, this was years ago, well, Irish people dealt with grief. So back in the day, we would wake everybody in the house, it would be three or four days, all the windows were open to let the soul leave the body.
Wow. Everyone would come. Like [01:00:00] drink, have drinks are in the body, tell stories, we would have so the Irish word for crying is a quina and keening is like this, you know, kind of, it's done in loads of indigenous cultures where you hire people to actually wail and cry. To like grieve or help the body move on.
Wow. So that word Aquina comes from that, like from the Keening. It's definitely changing. And like, I know so many people who have no actual, they only have their own lived experience of loss, as opposed to openly seeing people grieving, crying, dealing with loss, you know, and think about it. Like, when do we see a really healthy representation?
Of loss in our day to day or in our lives, it's rare, isn't it?
Casey Berglund: Yeah, we just
Jeanie Jyanti: don't talk about it. And we don't talk about it, yeah. So this whole, it must be so hard, I'm so sorry. It's like, it's hard because we're like, oh, your dad died, three days later you're back to work. Yeah. Please continue as if nothing has happened.
And [01:01:00] we're maybe going to give you some support and ease off your workload. But other than that, don't make a fuss. You know, so of course that's hard. Yeah. As opposed to you work for yourself, you've got tools and support and I'm not saying it wasn't hard for you, but you know, and you've got space and time to actually be with every part of it.
Like, again, not comparing him to a human, but he was, he was a huge support structure in my life. My dog. You
Casey Berglund: guys were connected.
Jeanie Jyanti: Yeah. When he died, I literally didn't get out of bed for two, two or three days. And then day four, I was kind of like. I didn't feel like I was over it, but I was like, this feels really good.
Just listened to my body, did what I needed. Didn't try and be bright eyed and bushy tailed for anyone. And I was like, feeling like I can do more things now, you know? I can actually give away his stuff to dog charity and I can, you know. And everyone's like, God, you're so good. You know, you're so good. And I'm like, done this before.
And actually that was a huge part [01:02:00] when he was passing away. He's like, I know I'm going to hit, I'll be fine. I know I'm going to get through this. I've done it. Loads of times before in potentially not to compare things, but more difficult situations. I've got this, you know, and that's what life experience gives you, you know, and actually there's one more thing you're, when you were sharing about this expansion again, Christianity is huge in Ireland and it wouldn't be my spirituality of choice, but I love some elements of it.
And so we would have learned a lot about Jesus when we were growing up. And we often joke, myself and my sister and brother, that mom died so we could live, which is very much the story of Jesus. He sacrificed himself so that we could all live. And I was just like, and I said this to a friend, Ananda recently, and he was like, that's not a joke.
That's true. That feels true. And I was like, you know, it's like, thank you. You know, I feel, I literally,
Casey Berglund: Oh, what was [01:03:00] that eclipse? There was like a full moon eclipse and fucking shit. Yeah. I did this like ceremony with like 20, 000 people online. That was pretty epic. It's led by Sarah Jenks, who is a ordained priestess and has quite a big following online.
And she did some beautiful marketing for it. And I was like, I want to do that. And it was so beautiful. Actually. I was, I was like, how is she going to manage the energy of 20, 000 people around the world? I don't know. I don't really have a comment on that. I just had this like really, basically, the, the ceremony was about death and rebirth, personal death and rebirth.
And there was a question at the end that she proposed. That was basically, like, what needs to die in [01:04:00] order for you to live into these new dreams. And I just, like, sat in meditation and she invited everyone to journal. I knew I didn't want to journal. I just sat there. And the only thing that kept coming to me was, like, it already happened.
Like, my dad, like, I'm living. I am living. into it all in the wake of my dad's death. And I had, again, I was pummeled by emotion, again, call it grief and an umbrella. Actually what it was, was this like absolute reverence and awe and gratitude for that sacrifice. You know, it was like mixed with like, actually.
I don't know. I think people struggle with like feeling guilty for feeling good or feeling guilty for saying a certain thing, and it's only coming from a should. It's not my voice. That's like, I feel guilty for [01:05:00] saying that my life has expanded in the wake of my dad's death. I don't feel guilty. I, that is not the feeling I feel.
Yeah, you shouldn't. I feel awe and wonder and reverence and gratitude for the cycles of life and I feel acceptance around. Death. And I feel and I trust in my dad's soul's path beyond his physical life. I, yeah, I like most people I've talked to who've lost someone has like something that makes them think of their parent or some way in which their parent comes to them, you know, like butterflies or dragonflies or something.
And And for me, it's like random flashing lights wherever I go, when I'm in an intimate moment with myself or with one or two other people. And part of that's connected to like watching my dad leave his flashes of light in the room and watching it leave outside. [01:06:00] The room until the whole sky lit up.
Yeah. And then two weeks later at rodeo weekend, I saw that flash of light, like 15 feet behind someone's head. It was in reverse. The sky was lighting up, no lightning bolts, but the sky was lighting up. And I'm like, Oh, a lightning storm. And then it got closer and it was. Like right behind this person's head, the same, the same movement pattern started in the center, it went outward, like a whoosh, and then back to the center and ever since then, like physical lights well, flash it's like when I'm alone,
Jeanie Jyanti: light is energy.
Energy is our soul or, you know, it's just them moving
Casey Berglund: and, and even like, I don't know, I had this. Eric and I were in a taxi heading to his brother's place last week, and that we were like stopped at a street corner and there was like a street light that was flashing and like a Christmas lights that were flashing and [01:07:00] whatever.
And I was like, more flashing lights. And he said something like, yeah, it's a street, it's a flashing streetlight. Yeah. And I'm like, I know. And I, I just said to him, I'm like, it doesn't matter. Yeah. It doesn't matter. To me, like, yes, there's these moments where the light, the flash of the light is like way more mystical versus obvious, you know, it's like, duh, it's Christmas light, but your
Jeanie Jyanti: dad's memories still came in in that moment.
Yeah,
Casey Berglund: that's the point is the I am reminded I am gifted. In every moment that I see a flashing light and like I walked down, there are flashing lights fricking everywhere. So everywhere all the time I'm gifted with these moments of devotion to my own fucking life and like what a
Jeanie Jyanti: gift, you know,
Casey Berglund: do you
Jeanie Jyanti: know when you said death and rebirth, like I'm fascinated by birth and [01:08:00] fascinated by death cause I feel like they're the same process.
And they can be equally challenging and mystical and energetic for people. And I've been really fortunate to have seen a birth two and a half years ago. And. Like, this is why I love anything to do with birth, it's like you're literally witnessing a new life coming into the world. They're still part of the mother for sure but it's a new life.
And I remember chatting to someone who was a Native American and they said in their tribe anyway, don't lose this for everyone, but usually the birth doula and the death doula are either the same person, or they're partners, or sisters, or brothers, or You know, they're from the same family and that's their role is that they're like a sherpa of souls moving in and out of this world.
And you know, you saw those flashing lights as your dad left. I felt something different. People, you know, recount [01:09:00] stuff. I know in the Maori culture in New Zealand a friend of mine shared that they kind of wake the body similar to an Ireland and then like someone like one of the leaders in the tribe will say when the soul has left.
So everyone stays around until the soul has left, you know. Coming back to Pran, it's all energy. It's just all. Prana means the first unit of prana. So like, everything is made up of this unit, you know, in science we call them atoms, let's say. Maybe not as specifically a direct correlation, but the building blocks of life, everything that's alive has prana according to the
Casey Berglund: yogic scriptures,
Jeanie Jyanti: And that's just prana moving.
Casey Berglund: You know? Yeah. It's so beautiful what you said about in these like ancient tribes. There's like an announcement of when the soul has left. When my dad was dying, like after the light happened, [01:10:00] after we watched this like light leave my dad just kept breathing in this rhythmic way forever. Wow. Like another couple hours, like, and We all knew that like that was interesting.
It's like he's not here and his body is finishing a process, you know, and My brother left to like get a nurse or being like like he's gone and they're like, nope still breathing And I'm like popped out and it was like, okay, you know and then we just like had more time and waited I actually like I put my head next to my dad's head on this pillow.
Like I have a couple thoughts happening at once, but there was something beautiful for me about knowing that his soul was gone and seeing that his body still had a process to do. Interesting, [01:11:00] yeah. Like, it was like reverence for the divinity of the body, even without a soul. The, his body kept breathing in this holotropic, cyclic, In and out tempoed way and his body was still warm and I like put my head by the pillow and just like saying songs, you know, and it was funny what, you know, just what songs kind of came through me, like somewhere over the rainbow and.
this little light of mine and like little like mantras and i don't know we just like waited and then yeah there were many moments where we thought he was taking his last breath and then that cyclic rhythm would return and it was like what the hell is happening right now like [01:12:00] yeah there was like a level of beauty and reverence and spirituality Just watching his body.
Jeanie Jyanti: Yeah, because there's still so much energy, you know, like the body is made of calories. I mean, the food body, they call it in yoga. Koshas, you know, it's the, yeah. And it's like. It just doesn't disappear, it's still a thing, you know, a beautiful thing, a thing that works so well with your soul to give you all of this wisdom.
The food body. The food body. To the food body. To the
Casey Berglund: food body. To our food bodies.
Jeanie Jyanti: Oh, beautiful. Yeah. What was his
Casey Berglund: name? Jack. Jack. John, technically. Okay. Jack. That's what everybody called him. Jack. Yeah. Your mom's name? Anne.
Jeanie Jyanti: She was actually Honora, but she hated [01:13:00] that. I think it's a beautiful name. It's like Hannah and Nora, I think her grandmother is.
Wow. But she hated Honora, so she was known as Anne, or Annie.
Casey Berglund: Was that her middle name?
Jeanie Jyanti: No, like Han, like Han, Ann, yeah, so she was Annie to her friends, like A N N I E, like the musical. Aww. Yeah, and that's what my niece is called, my sister's
Casey Berglund: little girl is Annie, yeah. Jack and Annie. Yeah, exactly. I'm just curious how you're living it up these days.
My life? Yeah, like how are you living? What are you living into? What are you, how are you like allowing the full expression of goddessness to move through you in this physical form? I wish I
Jeanie Jyanti: had a better answer for you in the sense that It was only to our chat a few weeks ago when we chatted on the phone.
Well, I was definitely [01:14:00] feeling it. And like you always do so giftedly help put language on stuff for me and so many others, I'm sure. I was like, okay, this is weird. I'm doing all the things I've always wanted to do. I'm living this life that I've always wanted yet. I don't feel great. And I don't mean that I don't want all those things that I'm doing and I'm happy with them, but it made me, I was starting to feel into it.
I've had one of the busiest years and I don't, well, yeah, physically busy and that I've had lots on but I don't think I realized until I stopped just a few weeks ago how much creative juices I've put out into the world over the last few months. That actually, now that I've stopped, I'm like, Whoa, that was too much.
And I'm definitely feeling like I need to refill the cup. And it's so funny. This is what I teach. Yeah. And I thought this happened a few years ago and I learned my lesson and it happened a few years before that. And I learned my lesson. I'm like, Oh fuck, [01:15:00] I'm back here again. And I had a chat someone, we were talking about this recently.
Who experienced something similar, like all of these things happened and they had like all of these things they've always wanted. And so they felt like being busy doing the things they've always wanted means that this must be a good thing, you know? And I was, I was thinking today, I was like, Whoa, when was the last time I had like a lot of spaciousness?
I can't remember, you know, and I've had beautiful expansive moments and I've had moments where I'm like this is absolutely the path I'm supposed to be on and this is the work I'm supposed to be doing. But through loads of different reasons, a lot of stuff came together and I kind of ran with it because like the projector, there was loads of offers put on the table.
But for sure I'm feeling very much into the hibernation now of The next few months are for me to totally rest, recover, recover is the word that's coming up not just replenish like actually recover. And I feel like so [01:16:00] much of the work that I did this year is, is kind of like. It wasn't just for this year, it's for lots of future stuff.
So I feel kind of secure and settled in that, that there's way less of the creative work that needs to happen. And I was thinking today, I was like, I can't remember the last time, I think it was actually this time last year that I did something beautiful and expansive. For me, that was nothing to do with work, and I love my job, and I love what I do, and it fills me up so much, but I think I've tipped over into the starting to get drained now.
So I was like the other day, I think I'm going to take up crochet. It just came to me, I was like, it's just something that I know I will enjoy doing. I love kind of crafting stuff, but I rarely give myself the time or have the time for it. And I was like, it's got nothing to do with the wellness world, or I'm sure if I wanted to, I could make it into a workshop, but I will not be doing [01:17:00] that.
And I was like, it's, and there's a beautiful pub near my house. That's like a yoga pub is what I call it, which those two words don't really come together, but it's a beautiful woman who's a big yogi and really into spirituality. And she loves the pop culture in Ireland for the connection, people chatting.
And so herself and her husband set up this beautiful space that like has lots of non alcoholic drinks as well. And what I love about it is that whenever I go in there, there's always at least three generations. And so, and everyone shares tables and it's really cozy. And the first Wednesday of every month, they have crochet night where you can just go and learn to do it, or you can just sit there and chat to people.
So I'm like, what's my plan for the winter to crochet, even if it's just a circle, it's happening. So I wish I could list all of the lovely things that I've been doing that have been expanding me and there has been loads for sure, but I feel like, yeah, recovery going inwards Tuning back into yes, there is.
Genie creating all these [01:18:00] beautiful things in the world, which I know I'm supposed to do, but finding a more balanced way to do it and also living a beautiful life. Yeah. Beauty.
Casey Berglund: Yeah. Yeah. Should we go walk up a hill?
Jeanie Jyanti: Yeah, sure. Why not?
Let's do it. This is so lovely. Thank you. Such
Casey Berglund: abundance.
Thank you so so much for listening. Please check the show notes for information about how you can stay in contact with Jeannie and with me. And I'd love for you to integrate what one thing did you receive from listening to this podcast episode? What insight or takeaway can you put into action or awareness?
In your life. It's one thing to listen to a podcast and receive [01:19:00] information or be entertained. And it's another thing to actually integrate something that you received from that episode in your life. This is how we create transformation together. I can't wait to tune in with you in the next episode.
Thank you so, so much for listening as always. And I'll chat with you very soon. Take care.[01:20:00]
