Why Men’s Work Matters with Yenukwa Kombian
===
Casey: [00:00:00] Welcome back to the purpose map podcast. I'm Casey Berglund, your host and the founder of where the, well, this is our final episode for now of our man series a series where we have been showcasing the voices of men talking about men and masculinity, and simply sharing stories of healing and transformation in men.
Casey: I hope you've enjoyed the series so far today. I got to sit down with you. New CWA comedy. Who is a co-founder of king of hearts, uh, local to Calgary, but, and also digital company where men meet together to have real conversations. Your new CWA facilitates men's groups and has been on a deep transformational journey himself.
Casey: And when I sat down with him today, I don't know, I didn't quite expect [00:01:00] how much my heart would open in his presence. This conversation is very special. It really moved me and I am looking forward to you. How. The chance to listen in, to drop in, to experience your nucleus energy and to learn about everything that he does with his co-founders at king of hearts.
Casey: He mentioned to me, after we stopped the recording, of course we continued gabbing on, um, as a way of sort of integrating what we'd recorded. He said to me, yeah. Where he grew up or where he's from Ghana, Africa, men still gathering groups, you know, something about our Western world where we've maybe dismantled or.
Casey: Or perhaps not even ever developed this capacity to gather in groups to do work in groups together like ancient cultures have. And when he told me that [00:02:00] his people still gathering groups in developing countries, right. We look at developing countries a certain way, and yet the maintenance of. Traditions that are healing and heart-centered and helpful is really like beautiful to see.
Casey: So when he spoke of that, I just had this felt sense of him really carrying on or contributing to his own lineage through what he facilitates here in Calgary and online. I'll let you drop right into the conversation. I hope you enjoy it. And I'll, uh, check in with you at the end.
Casey: You know what I want to know first
yenukwa: Kings of hearts. Yes. Ma'am
Casey: tell me about how you got started with it and
yenukwa: why and why. Okay. So can you heart started? So it's myself, so Han Andy. I know that a buddy of ours at the time. And [00:03:00] so hen I believe had just finished, uh, Chiropractic school in the states.
yenukwa: And he was all about mastermind groups and like-minded individuals coming together and energy. And what have you is like, I want to mastermind now that I'm back home in Calgary. So he collected the four of us. How did he choose? Well, because this thing, we had all been friends before. Like he grew up here in Calgary, you know?
yenukwa: And so we all knew him through. Uh, veins, let's say, you know, and the thing was, each of us had all connected one beat one, but we never come together as a collective group. So, so Hannah was the, was the one to be like, Hey, let's get together. The four of us let's just have a conversation. And it was, it was total.
yenukwa: And a beautiful sense, like just super masculine, like let's talk business, let's talk like, how do we, how do, how do we bigger, [00:04:00] stronger, faster, quicker, efficient, productive, like, which was great. Like that was the structure. And one of the guys really quick was just like, um, he's like boys, I can't talk about business right now.
yenukwa: I got this in my heart. Can I say.
Casey: Did he say that he said
yenukwa: on my heart. Yeah. You said like maybe, and I haven't had the first and no one knew I was according the first one, just, I was like, I wonder where this is going to go. And also just for me, I was like, I can go back and listen to it and take notes and whatever, not knowing that it would, metamorph like, it would turn into this, but yeah.
yenukwa: So there's one, this one home you G was like something in my heart. Can I share? And we're like, yeah, of course, man shared. And I'd have to go back and listen to it. But I think it was along the lines. Like sometimes I feel like I'm not good at that simple. And we all sat there and we had a, me too movement.
yenukwa: It was like, you shuttle with that, [00:05:00] but your desk and you look like this and yeah, I know. I still struggle. What about you? Yeah, me too. Wait, but your, your new coil, like you have this and dah, dah. Yeah. But. Andy. What about you? Yeah, me too. And I was like, but wait, you have like two companies and you're doing this and whatever.
yenukwa: And we just sat there like you, like, so then we just were like, so if all of us are sitting here and feeling this as guys, like, why do we, Matt, like parade outside peacock? Like we have it all together. You know what I mean? Just kind of, and right away it went from like business talk. And what have you to like, Personal development like leadership brother, how are you genuinely?
yenukwa: You know, and then that morphed into, I think it was every Tuesday. We did it for almost a year and it was just brother. How are you physically? Mentally spiritually, emotionally, and just [00:06:00] having conversation and dialogue. And every once in a while, and you, another guy would have like an exercise that they wanted to do, you know?
yenukwa: And, and we just did it together collectively. Right. And sometimes we had pizza. Sometimes there was snacks. There was one time we like, we were like, Hey, like, let's go get a bottle of wine and just chill and do the homework. And I think coming out of that, we were like, you know what, no alcohol, because we're just like how many times?
yenukwa: And I'll speak for myself. How many times has you go waited to have alcohol in my system to communicate how I
Casey: feel. Right. So common to have that social lubricant and yet. It's like how true is what's coming out when there's alcohol that's fueling it. Exactly. Yeah. So you had one-on-one relationships with each of these guys.
Casey: Yeah. They had one on one relationships with each other. And this is the first time that you came together as a group. [00:07:00] When you had that moment, that was like your version of a, me too. Wait, you feel that way too. I saw you as this and this and this, this like put together successful business guy or whatever it was like.
Casey: Had you had that type of interaction before that group came together with other men? One
yenukwa: would be one. Yes. One would be one. I had gone, like, I'll speak for myself. I had gone deep with each of those men. You know, like, so Han had held me when I was going through my breakup. Yeah. We'd had those type of conversations.
yenukwa: You know, Andy, I was getting to know likewise Sanjeev through so Han you know, but I got to the other Monday one and we'd had deep conversations around like, um, life relationships. Family what you're working, you know what I mean? It wasn't just shallow. I shouldn't say shallow. It wasn't surface. Let's put it that way.
yenukwa: Wasn't surface conversation had, we were willing to go deep and with almost all of them, it had [00:08:00] never been over alcohol. It always was like, Hey, let's go down for coffee. Okay. Let's go for a walk outside. Yeah. So I feel like it was, it was inevitable that the four of us.
yenukwa: We're going to come together at somebody's time and let all four energies come together. Right. And create this snowball that is now could have a life. So,
Casey: yeah, exactly. How was it different being in the collective versus one-on-one? Like what, what did you notice. How did the energy shift and what did that dynamic bring a boat for you?
Casey: That was different from going deep one-on-one with each of these men?
yenukwa: Yeah. When I sit back and I reflect now, I think the overarching theme was, you know, you're being seen by more than one set of eyes, you know? And,[00:09:00]
yenukwa: and it's one thing to be one V one with somebody. And sit and hold space. Right? Ask the questions, whatever the case might be. Hear yourself, talk, go on your own. Then it's another thing to have like three other perspectives. Right, right. And to sit and hear someone and for someone to say something like, oh, that's good.
yenukwa: Yeah. Right. Or for them to share something like, well, I've never, I never thought of it like that. I didn't know you were going through that, you
Casey: know? Yeah. I think it brings about. Universal truths, these sort of moments of common humanity. When there are witnesses, I'm thinking about two things. One on Friday, I was here in this space with, you know, Hannah and Aaron, two other women, and we just held space for each other and dropped in.
Casey: And there was a moment where I was lying on the floor and. Just a sadness came over me and it was like, my heart just [00:10:00] broke open and then there was grief. And then there was anger, there was rage and there was like screaming and I haven't, I hadn't had a moment like that before. Unless I was alone in my home processing some shit like by myself and like the level of healing from being seen.
Casey: And I would imagine as a man, like women, we find those spaces eventually, and it's hard for us to, right. But we find those spaces, I think, in more accessible ways than men do. Would you say that. It feels true. Or am I, am I calling
yenukwa: bullshit? No, no, I think there's definitely some truth to what you're saying.
yenukwa: And I would say the overarching theme, I would say sometimes is yeah, men have their cliques, the boys, their homeys. However, are they going deep? That's the question? That's one. Are they going deep with their, with, with, with the boys that connect with that's one [00:11:00] too. Is there liquor involved. Yeah. Right. And then, and then three, our guys even equipped to sit and hold space and have conversation and dialogue with more than one, man.
yenukwa: Right. And that's something that, and. And please like, bring it back if we need to, but I'm going to go on a rabbit show. I feel like, like, this is the power of men's work of men's of men being with other conscious men, because then in those moments sitting across from let's just say 10 other men, right. I want a guy to say something and it triggers the shit out of.
yenukwa: Um, because then in that moment you have a chance to respond or react wherever your nervous system is at. And the group collectively can [00:12:00] hold that.
Casey: Yes. And to your point about being equipped, there would have to be a level of. Care and a connected value system to be able to hold that in a way that isn't traumatizing.
Casey: And let me share where this is coming from. So, um, I think I mentioned to you earlier that I also interviewed Jake from next gen men as part of this series. And he talked about like, um, male to male violence. Like a lot of times we hear about like men and women and like sexual abuse and that type of thing, but.
Casey: But the, um, disrespect or disregard or violence among men is so high that, um, teaching men how to treat other men is like a really important part of men's work and, and basically creating a world where there's less pain and less harm caused by men. And so. [00:13:00] Given that maybe patriarchy teaches men to be violent with one another or to not be equipped in the way that you're talking about.
Casey: Like, how do you feel you support other men with being equipped to hold that space? Like, how does that process unfold?
yenukwa: And look, this is the beauty of being in a men's group. Cause then, cause this is the thing. There are some things I cannot tell you. Okay. Yeah, I know. No, no, no, no, not you. Not really. As I tell guys, there's some things I cannot, I can tell it to you and it will just gloss over you.
yenukwa: But when you, when you're sitting in a circle, right. And a man looks in the eye and is like, am I allowed to swear on this? And it's like, I don't fucking like your attitude. Yeah. Right. Cool. In that moment, we all get to watch and see how. The two of us are going to react, [00:14:00] respond. Right. And in that moment it's like, okay, great.
yenukwa: Where's that coming from? Let's talk. Right. And the beauty of that is letting a guy feel what he feels and communicating it out there. He can't do that for whatever reason, patriarchy. And I'm going to say this very constantly. The page be patriarch is. The patriarchy that we have right now, it's not conscious and is broken and needs healing, but if not, but, and when you have conscious, loving servant led men and you watch two men duke it out through conversation, holding space.
yenukwa: Right. And even if it escalates the men around, it can hold it around a man. Amanda can be like, yo, [00:15:00] I'll just say Andy. Cause he's my business partner. Yo, Andy, what you said? Not cool. Not cool. How can we, how can you, like, how can we like use our magician energy king warrior magician lover. Brings some alchemy to this and change it.
yenukwa: How can you communicate that in a more loving, sincere, truthful way? And if men can watch that, they're like, oh wow. So I don't always have to, you know, suppress it or blow up. I, I can speak my truth. Be seen, be heard, and it takes nothing away from me. And that I can't, you feel that being in a circle or you watching other men ball in front of you because he feels like he's not good enough.
yenukwa: And you're sitting there looking at him being like, do your soul. Good enough. I [00:16:00] can't tell you that, you know, you have to be part of the circle and feel that, embrace that. And then that man looks at you and he's like, I love you. I'm a being in a circle for the first time. And a guy was like, I love you.
yenukwa: And the, my immediate response was like, in my mind was, fuck you. You don't know me. Right.
Casey: And then what happened?
yenukwa: Well, then it was just like a, then the thought process was like, you knew GLA, like, why not. How much armor do you have on rate that when another man that you don't know says that to you, it elicits that type of response, right.
yenukwa: Versus it being like, do you know what he generally has love for you as another human being? Yeah. And this, the other thing that I realized you don't, how do I say this? You don't need. Like in terms of length of time [00:17:00] for there to be connection for there to be trust and resolve. Right. Andy, I'll tell you right now, and I've only known five years.
yenukwa: Give or take
yenukwa: kinos more stuff than guys that I've known my whole life. Because the amount of depth we've been willing to go.
Casey: Yeah. I was just going to ask what are the ingredients for that trust to build in a quicker way. But I think you just answered it. It's like the capacity to go deeper and to hold space for each other in, in ways that are, I guess I don't want to put words in your mouth.
Casey: I was going to say like respectful, but I don't know. I don't even know what the right words are. Yeah. How would you describe your. Transformational journey since that group came together till now. And, and just from a time perspective, just for curiosity, [00:18:00] like what has been the timeframe between that first group sort of man's me too movement to now where, where king of hearts is today?
yenukwa: Beautiful.
yenukwa: 360. It's not even I'm on a different dimension.
yenukwa: I don't, I don't like if I were to look, it's not that it's not that I wouldn't recognize that you nuclear. Yeah. It's just, I've just gone through so much growth. You know, and in a beautiful way, it's been a beautiful.
Casey: He was making a motion with his hands, like a ski slope
yenukwa: interest, his interest compounding, you know, [00:19:00] natural growth beautifully, well said. Thank you. Write that down exponential growth, I'm
Casey: watching you and witness your body language is what people pay me for the body responds and then put language
yenukwa: to it.
yenukwa: Exponential growth. Yeah. It's been that.
Casey: What's the best part of that. Like when you talk about the exponential growth, like talk to me about like the thing that the things take me into a picture of what you get to experience now, because of that exponential. Like, why is it worth it? Because it fucking sucks sometimes in the middle of transformational growth, a hundred percent,
yenukwa: you know?
yenukwa: Okay. What is it like? I would say it's beautiful to hold space for a man for multiple men and you watch the light bulb go off. Very selfishly. You watched the light bulb. [00:20:00] You watch a man I've read the book four agreements. Yes. And he's like when people, it's a matter of waking people up and that I read that book before even men's work was even on the radar for me and I, and I read that and it related for myself, but then to be a part of another, man's waking up.
yenukwa: Or remembering
yenukwa: it's beautiful. It's absolutely beautiful. And, and I'll say I'm not a psychologist, I'm not a therapist. I don't have, I'm not a social worker. You know, I don't have that expertise and low key. I don't want to. I really don't want to, because I feel like then you will put me on a pedestal [00:21:00] and I don't want to be on a pedestal.
yenukwa: I say all the time. Yes, I may be. And when you get around me and you see more, I talk king shit all the time. That's the attitude. King queen shit, Kenyan queen thinking like a king, like thinking like a queen. Okay. And something that I read and have it written on my wall and I can pick, show up. I can show you a picture later is like the king.
yenukwa: Isn't the one who has the most followers. The king is the one who can point you towards royalty. That's a different, that's what I want. I want you to think differently. I want you to be different. You know. And so to add to that, the original question, like that's what it looks like now to be a king maker, you know, [00:22:00] to, to equip and prepare men as best as possible to navigate life in a certain way.
yenukwa: And from your heart period, period, I want servant heart driven leaders. That's what.
Casey: What do you think that'll do for the world? Why do you care?
yenukwa: Oh, flip it on its head. In what way? And every single way, literally, I fully believed that I fully believe that if we had men that were making decisions from their heart, this world would look different.
yenukwa: Relationships would look intimate. Relationships will look different the way we parent, the way we educate the way we lead, the way we respond, the way we interact with the.
yenukwa: Would change everything, wouldn't it emotional. And I, and I like that's, [00:23:00] that's where I'm at. That's literally.
yenukwa: And I, and you know what I can say. It comes up from my upbringing of watching my dad love my dad, great role model and I've, and this the way, like the way he's raised. Me and my sister, like my sister is my best friend and she is so beautiful and she is so smart. And I know it's because she had an awesome role model to look up to, you know, and if we can replicate that.
yenukwa: Yeah. I don't think, I don't think, I don't feel. I think, I feel, I know, I believe if men were leading from their hearts, a lot of the atrocities that we see would not be a thing.
Casey: Yeah. [00:24:00] I feel that deeply, obviously. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I, uh, there's like, uh, an embodied sort of resonance that's happening right now because.
Casey: Well, it, it literally brings me to tears the depth to which I feel if there was more love in the world and less separation. Just everything would be different, you know? And, and I guess I'm curious your sense of this, but for me, I feel like my work is rooted in helping people be with the uncomfortable parts of themselves, rather than fighting the uncomfortable parts of themselves, like creating more integration and wholeness and healing within themselves.
Casey: Because when we can do that, when we can build like strength and resilience to be with ourselves, When, when shit's tough, when you're having the, like, I don't feel good enough moment, or like I'm a [00:25:00] piece of shit moment, or I'm pissed at my partner moment, you know, like there's, there's a reverberation of tension that's felt inside and.
Casey: I mean, I see all the time that people are scared of themselves and I get it. They, they're not equipped. Right. We're not equipped. I'm not equipped in moments. I'm not equipped. And I need people. I need others around me to help me heal when I'm not equipped. And the internal work of like finding peace inside of myself, even when they're shit.
Casey: I don't like that. I see. It's like to me, that. That is the foundation for building a type of unconditional love internally. That is, um, that takes a consciousness. It takes an awareness to do that work. I might go on a rant here for a moment. Are we cool with that? Um,
Casey: I might've just lost it. [00:26:00] Oh, I got it. I got it back. You know, you know, when I asked you about your why, and I, and I kind of was like, because transformation fucking sucks and you know, it sucks. It hurts. I don't want to like rage and scream and cry and grieve because of war. And the rape and, uh, abuse and disconnection and discord, and the fact that like so many people in our country can't travel to see their loved ones.
Casey: Like there's so much happening right now. And it hurts my heart, you know, and to be someone who feels that. Your presence is so fucking strong. Like, like to pull this out of me, to be someone who feels that and who can't not create space for herself to let that wave of emotion be processed through her body.
Casey: Sometimes that means like [00:27:00] I can't do my business work. Like I want to grow my business too. And I want to like, you know, I want to live an abundant rich life and I want family and I want, I have these desires. And sometimes it feels like because of the commitment to the transformational work, there's a sacrifice of other things that I want.
Casey: And I can't not feel what I feel and let my heart be cracked, open and pay attention to what is showing up. Even the ugly shit inside of myself, you know? So it sucks. And in those moments when it's really sucking, I'm like, what the fuck is all of this for? Why did I start this? You know, like I, um, I've done a lot of training in yoga and there's like that common analogy of like the layers of the onion.
Casey: You peel back the layers of the onion and it's like, well, shit, you can't just slap the layers back on when you want to. It's worth it for me, obviously [00:28:00] I'm like, or I wouldn't keep doing it. It's like, I, I try to not do it. And I, can't not, I can't not keep transforming and keep moving through those like difficult, dark, heartbreaking moments and it's worth it because there's like, Uh, wholeness in it, or at least a realness in it, you know, at least a level of like real human connection in it.
Casey: Yup. I feel like, you know, what is self-love, if it's not loving the shit you hate, you know, like unconditional love is unconditional, you know? And I just like, we're all human and we all kind of suck sometimes. And you know, like I lash out at others when it's my own stuff that needs to be healed and. I'm willing to look at it.
Casey: And I just feel like what if each of us [00:29:00] was doing that work? Like, would we be able to be in a room with someone who has completely opposite views? Would we be able to sit across from someone who, you know, like there's so many examples, like you're black, I'm white someone else's not vaccinate vaccinated, unvaccinated, you know, like we have all these like.
Casey: The left, the right, the political, the labels, the boxes, you know, and it's like, there's such an attachment to those boxes. And it's like an external representation of an internal disconnect, a hundred percent, you know, and yet I guess I would just really love, love, love to see more people on board. And I have compassion.
Casey: I have so much fucking compassion for those of us who are ill-equipped and who aren't ready yet, [00:30:00] because like trauma's a bitch, you know? Yeah. I don't even know what I just said, you know, but I feel it in my heart and I just, and like sitting across from a man who cares to support that and other men I'm just like, God, thank you.
Casey: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Like we all need it. Women need it meant and cute. Non-binary people. It doesn't matter. Gender age, race, like humanity requires like a healing. And it can be overbearing sometimes as a woman in a healing space. Like it's hard, you know, and, and like men, when I work with men, I'm going to go here.
Casey: When I work with men, it's like, I'm holding them in a, in the presence of love, a divine, unconditional love, because that is an ingredient for healing, but it really sucks when there's that moment where it's [00:31:00] like, wait, are they here for their own healing? Or is there some sort of dynamic happening here because I'm an, a woman, a woman, and they're a man, you know, and it's like, It's hard to trust.
Casey: Of course. And there's so many moments where I'm like, gosh, uh, I wish men had more men, more like deep men around them, more men who could hold more of this emotional labor, you know, a hundred
yenukwa: percent. And you know, and as you're talking with you, I, I know exactly what you're talking about. Holding the masculine.
yenukwa: It's
Casey: exhausting. It's exhausting, but I fucking care too. I won, I literally had a dream last night. You knew where there was various men from my past in the dream and some like romantic connection, some otherwise. And the theme of the dream was about my purpose and supporting healing, but it was also about like, maybe I need [00:32:00] to.
Casey: Sacrifice romantic connection or see it as part of my purpose, that part of my purpose in romantic connection is actually for healing for their healing, you know? And, um, and it was like an interesting dream because it feels true. I feel like there has been healing that I have helped to facilitate and every single man that I've dated and I'm kind of at a point where I'm like, Ooh, Can it, can it be like a little lighter?
Casey: Can it go to you to learn stuff? Or can I meet someone who's already had a me who's helped them work through their deep trauma, you know? And I don't know, you get some real
yenukwa: shit out of me right now. I appreciate that. Thank you for being transparent and vulnerable. And just to touch on what you just shared.
yenukwa: Like, again, this is the power of men's work because what you described. Is men [00:33:00] being in their feminine, I E communicating what's on the heart being vulnerable sharing. And if a man doesn't have that, if he doesn't have men to walk him through that, to walk beside him, walk behind him, who is he going to turn to his romantic partners?
yenukwa: Cause they will supply that. And in those moments, I will say here on this podcast, man, that's not responsible. That's not mature because your romantic partner did not sign up for that. Yeah. Now, is that something that comes along, you know, the journey? Yeah. However that does not become where or she is not.
yenukwa: Or however you subscribe. I listen to my heart. I do not care and not, but, and at the end of the day, [00:34:00] let me say men, men identify there needs to be other spaces where you can go to communicate your. To be vulnerable, to be seen, to be heard. It can not just be with your romantic partner. That's exhausting and that's not mature.
yenukwa: That's not responsible.
Casey: Thank you. I feel seen right now. Well, it ultimately leads to ending the relationship. '
yenukwa: cause now you're just playing therapist
Casey: or you're playing mom and I play a role in that, you know, like I'm constantly looking at like, Ooh, how did I attract this too? You know? And part of it is part of it is because of my being as a healer, you know, it's like, I don't just turn that off.
Casey: It's it's, it's my being, it's my, it's my energetic frequency. It's my, it's my purpose, you know? Um, and it can feel like a lot to, to do that work as a career and [00:35:00] in every relationship, you know? And, and it's like, I don't think it should not be there. It just feels like it. I, I would like for it to be more balanced, a hundred percent, you
yenukwa: know?
yenukwa: Yeah. Yeah. I'll say something for myself that I'm realizing is, um, being from what I've been told, I'm an empath and I'm still learning how to, how to use that superpower. Um, welcome to the club, my friend. And what I'm realizing is uniquely. You don't have to turn it off. Yeah. Just treat it like the lights.
yenukwa: What's that you can dim turn on high and there'll be opportunities. And there'll be times where you can put it on blast ends opportunities where [00:36:00] you can put on love and when you want to turn it off and I'm learning that. Yeah. Right. And, um, For whatever that's worth. Right. And then when I get around the opposite sex or people that are more in the feminine or whatever, just realizing that it's being like, okay, you go like, and this is something, this is Marcus Aurelius.
yenukwa: What does the situation call for? Right. And not just defaulting to being in a.
Casey: Yeah, I hear you. Yeah, I've
yenukwa: been, I've been
Casey: in such a deep mentorship around my, like, how do you, how to, um, navigate my embassy and, uh, you know, it's so interesting collecting, collecting tools around it, that work. And then you forget to work them sometimes as with any tool they work.
yenukwa: [00:37:00] Yeah, that was beautiful. Thank you. Okay. So something that I wanted to tie back to and you alluded to it twice now, transformation sucks. Yeah. Transformation sucks a lot and it's exhausting, you know, and again, this is why it's valuable and important to be around conscious. And try and people that want to go in the same direction as you, because on those days where you wake up and you look up at the ceiling and you're like, what the app am I doing?
yenukwa: Yeah. You need those people. You need those individuals because they will be the reminder. Right. And when you were in those packs, Guess what? It's not always you at the front, when you get tired, that gives someone an opportunity now to lead, you [00:38:00] know, and you've shipped to the back, you rest up, but you still with the pack.
yenukwa: And then when you're rejuvenated and the pack has filled your cup back up and you, and you want to call the play, you can go back to the front. So there's power.
Casey: Yeah. It feels like a very ancient way of being. Yeah.
yenukwa: And what's that saying? You want to go far run with the pack. You want to go fast? Go alone.
yenukwa: Yeah.
Casey: Yeah. It's funny. I'm like, um, I've, I've always. Found mentorship and coaching. And I've invested a ton in my healing and growth and transformation development in so many areas, you know, personal, spiritual business, et cetera. And, and I'm always like invested lots of money to find community, which I think, um, is worthwhile it's worthwhile.
Casey: Like what, what better thing to invest in is like, [00:39:00] Community that supports transformation. You know, I, I I've had moments where I've been like, wow, am I really investing in another offering to be supported with my heart? You know? And my empathy and, um, the answer has been yes. And. I feel like it's been more recently that I'm like really finding my people in a peer to peer way, you know, like even being in this workspace and the dynamic that we have in this space, the supportive checking in with one another, you know, I feel like I've found people that I can.
Casey: You know, I shared a dream with you. I can communicate the messages that come through my dreams or in my meditations and own this like spiritual side that has always been there, but that I've been navigating and processing either on my own or with paid teachers, you know, and to have like community who are there, you know, and to your point about [00:40:00] trust, isn't always built because of time.
Casey: It can be built because of how. Uh, people in that communion use that time and the proof in the pudding of being supported. And I just feel that now in a way that I haven't ever before, like this is really unique and the support that, um, that I notice is like incredible. And you know, it's funny as I'm saying this with you and I'm just like, you know, like people have reflected back to me, And I kind of know this about myself and, you know, some people like the terms, masculine, feminine energy, and some people just despise it.
Casey: And I'm kind of like neutral use what the situation calls for, but have projected to me specifically, like my masculine energy, which. I'm even thinking about a moment when I was in India with an Ayurvedic doctor and he took my pulse to determine my like dosha is, do you know much about your beta don't you're like shaking your head anyway.
Casey: It's like a, it's like a, [00:41:00] Ayurveda's like a sister science to yoga and there are. Um, IRB had a doctors who go through a whole like training path and it's really about energy and balance of something called dosha, the dosha system and how they get a really accurate sense of your doses is through like a pulse reading.
Casey: And they're sort of trained intuitive, like knowing about what that means anyway. So I'm in India in this Ayurvedic doctor's office and he's got his hand on my wrist and he's like, Strong energy, strong energy. Like you set a goal and you meet it. You, you like whatever you want, it's your strong energy.
Casey: And you covered reflected this back to me. And also like in India, I'm a very like tall, big energy woman, right? Like people are much smaller and he's like, this will do you well, money and riches and business and like strong energy. And then he's like, You will struggle with men is what he says. And I'm like,
yenukwa: come on, dude.
Casey: Okay. And I'm [00:42:00] just going to finish the circus. What do you also said is like, you know, you see, you have the strong energy and I haven't taken this advice from him, but he. Make them think it's their idea.
Casey: but, um, I dunno the whole piece about like masculine, feminine energy. I'm realizing as I speak with you, how much I feel like I identify with like masculine energy and even the like, Maybe going alone in some of these more intimate, vulnerable, like when you talk about men having safe spaces to be vulnerable with other men, I feel like it's been such a learning for me to learn how to be vulnerable, like with other women and with men, you know, and also it's like common humanity.
Casey: These are human human topics.
yenukwa: And you know, like [00:43:00] this, this just speaks to the equipment. Yeah, right. And I will say right now I love all teachers. Okay. I love all teachers. It's the curriculum and the school board. They don't, but I'm not a fan of. Okay. So for all your teachers out there, I love you. I did, I did KeNeice study of the body and I wanted to teach.
yenukwa: And I was sitting in university classes and we were talking about all this great jargon and full of philosophical ideals and what have you. And that, and just throughout it, and I didn't, I didn't finish it. It's an incomplete ed degree, but part of it was because it was like, we're not equipping, we're not equipping the next generation for truly what they need.
yenukwa: I'm all for. [00:44:00] No, how to write a sentence properly to this day. I don't know how to write a sentence properly, vulnerable and transparent. I'm all for the sciences, chemistry, physics, bio. Cool, awesome. And yet, as much as we're teaching those classes, are we teaching kids how to be vulnerable and transparent people skills, how to hold conversations, your pleases and your.
Casey: Body literacy. What does a yes feel like in your body? What does a no feel like in your body? What does anxiety feel like in your body?
yenukwa: You know, and, and I will, I will own it if it, if that's in the curriculum now. Awesome. Cool. But from what I know, it's not, so there's that that's one, two university. I went through two degrees.
yenukwa: Not once. Did we ever talk about any of this stuff we're talking about right now? Yeah. So then people finish university [00:45:00] master's program. If you do it a PhD, if you do it and who knows whether or not you are in psychology therapist, social work or those types of disciplines, are you talking about this type of rhetoric?
yenukwa: And then you wonder why we engage with humanity? And they don't have some of these and you can't even get upset. At least for me, I'll speak for myself. I don't get upset anymore because the system is not producing people, individuals that critically think that discern that are willing to hold space with someone that has an opposing view from you.
yenukwa: And you still have compassion and love. Outside these windows not teaching that. So then what do you expect? So now when I get around men, when a men's group, cool. I already know where you're [00:46:00] at. So guess what? I will be the king and I will lead. And along the way, I will equip you when the time comes.
yenukwa: Hopefully. When the time when you decide to leave or whatever the case might be now, hopefully you are a kid where you're on your way, at least, because for me, this has just been my experience. This is what I'm up against. This is what I'm up against men that don't want to be vulnerable for fear of their masculinity or their manhood being gut-check being questioned.
yenukwa: Up against men that don't know how to hold space. And when I say hold space, I know this is a buzzword right now, but it just means to sit one V one with someone and listen to them.
Casey: It's when you [00:47:00] say it like that to sit and listen, like, why is it so hard?
yenukwa: I don't, I I've I've I've talked about this before on my Instagram. I'm like people that say like, Soft skills or easy or no, like it is hard work to be fully present and to sit with someone and hear them out to hear their worldview, their perspectives, their fears, their traumas.
yenukwa: And what have you, it's easy when it's family friends, or we like something. You do that with someone who is the opposite to you. You go, if you're a Democrat, go sit with a Republican. If you're a liberal, go sit with a conservative. If you're Muslim, go sit with the cushion and have a conversation. And can you find 25% of why this person could be right?
yenukwa: That is what it means to be human. [00:48:00] That to me is what it means to be a king or a queen, because the reality of it is, is if you want someone who is a carbon copy, like. Then go be by yourself in a cave and have a bunch of mirrors around you, but that's not the case. We all want connection. We all want community.
yenukwa: And from my perspective, you were here on this planet, on this dimension to experience. And if there's 8 billion people on this planet, guess what? You have 8 billion different perspectives. Here we go. Dive in, dive in. It's a buffet, it's a buffet. And then when people looked at the world like that, again, the world will look different and no one's saying you have to consume all 8 billion, you know, dishes at the buffet.
yenukwa: Take what you [00:49:00] like leave the rest.
yenukwa: That's a good site. What's coming up for you. No wrong answer.
Casey: Um, a bit of overwhelm.
yenukwa: From our conversation or just a
Casey: no, no, just, just, um, Like I'm here with you. I'm so here with you, like we're vibing, we met once before and you know, when you walked in, I was like, oh, you're so easy to be around, you know? And there's something to that. Like there's something like, I guess that's part of the point, right?
Casey: When, when the being is easy to be around. And so, um, the overwhelm, like I'm I'm with you, I'm, we're, I'm picking up. What you're putting down [00:50:00] and the, like the reason behind everything that I do it, you know, like I've had my business for seven years. And when it started, I was a dietician and a yoga teacher.
Casey: And it was about helping people with their relationship with food. What was it really about? It was about. Helping people like, like themselves a little more, love themselves, a little more, treat themselves a little bit more kindly. It's always been about like compassion, empathy, love, and the way in which that, that self compassion, empathy, and love and acceptance translates to more of those same qualities in the world.
Casey: And so when I'm hearing you talk, I'm hearing a similar value system and a similar perspective. And the overwhelm kind of comes with, again, holding the both and like, and my heart is breaking, you know, like, yes, yes. I want that. Yes. I feel like I'm [00:51:00] contributing to that in the world. You're contributing to that in the world.
Casey: And, um, and there's a shit fuck, ton of pain right now that is not being processed. You know, there's a lot of abuse happening. Um, And the overwhelmed just kind of came in. I just have a moment of feeling like maybe you've been small, like how much of a difference can I really make and listening to you talk, how about how much of a difference can you really make?
Casey: You know, like I guess I just, my heart just like.
Casey: Obviously one person, my own healing fucking matters, period. That's my number one. Priority my own healing. If I can like keep looking at myself. I trust that that ripple matters, you know, without [00:52:00] any of the work I do without any of the clients I have, without any, any of these conversations, any podcasting, like behind the scenes, I am fucking committed to healing myself and growing, and I know what matters.
Casey: And you just witnessed a moment of like, what the fuck does it even matter? With what's happening right now, you know? And, um, higher consciousness me is like, okay, keep going, keep going, baby. You know, all of it matters. We need each other every little bit matters and, uh, Like it's a lot that the pain in the world is a lot.
Casey: And like, speaking of like passive tendencies, like, yeah, I can turn that up and turn it down and I don't want to turn it all the way down. I think it's okay to feel like I have a broken heart and the overwhelm and the. Desire for things to move faster and quicker. Like there's more ahead, there's more [00:53:00] pain ahead and there's more healing ahead and there's more transformation ahead.
Casey: And from a high level perspective, I kind of, I trust the shift into a different paradigm and I help these moments. Like I just had that's like, oh yeah, what was that breath? That was that big sign breath.
yenukwa: I hear you. I hear you a hundred percent and this is something I'm constantly navigating traversing, figuring out, doing an audit of like, yo, why do we do what we do?
yenukwa: Why do we continue to right. And, and I, and I love that you brought it up, like it's, it's this willingness to listen to that higher being right. That higher. Hi really NewCo. I'm like, dude, right now I get it. You're only like you're in the mud and that's okay.
Casey: No mud, no Lotus [00:54:00]
yenukwa: that's one and two. It's like my higher self has been like, dude, if you could just see what I see, you just see where you're going or the ripple effect of what, and you said it, the ripple effect of, of your healing, of your being, you have no idea.
yenukwa: And I'll tell you, and I'll be selfish right now. Like that's what, that's what drives me. It's like, you know what, like even if at the end of the day, I physically don't get to see. So I had to pivot and say, this is probably that I've heard, which I love. And I stand by. I don't know whether it's a king or whatever, but it's like truly.
yenukwa: Is planting trees knowing you'll never sit under the shade.
Casey: Yeah.
yenukwa: Wow. If that's the case then, so be it. [00:55:00] So be it your nuclear you're planting seeds, you're planting seeds and know that you will never sit under the shade, but if your grandkids will and the next generation will, whoever that may be, it is, we're all connected.
yenukwa: Mission accomplished.
Casey: Thank you for that. Does that resonate? Thank you for reminding me.
yenukwa: You already knew it. There you go. I just had to remind you. I'm like, I'm
Casey: like sheesh, where these, this well period about to happen. Like any moment now, isn't it? Your nucleus? This space.
Casey: Well,
yenukwa: yeah, like, you know what I mean? Because end of the day, It is overwhelming and I hear you a hundred percent and it's just that willingness to be like, okay. Yep. [00:56:00] No, I love that. You said that. No mud, no Lotus.
Casey: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm feeling like incredibly purposeful in this moment and present and connected, you know, and it's like, huh?
Casey: Isn't that? Isn't that what we're here for? Yeah. Wasn't that a great ending for a podcast. Um, tell me about like where people can learn more about you and king of hearts and you know, all that stuff. That's
yenukwa: important. We are on Instagram. So the Kings of dot hearts,
Casey: Kings of
yenukwa: dot hearts. Yeah. Um, Yeah. And then our website is Kings hearts.com.
Casey: I'll make sure it's all listed everything, everything that you listener could ever want to know [00:57:00] about
yenukwa: king of hearts. Yeah. A hundred percent and reach out conversation dialogue, whether it's on the website or on Instagram.
Casey: You're so
yenukwa: here for it, we try to be as active as possible and engage. So, yeah. Yeah.
Casey: Um, same this way, right? Like reach out to both of us for whatever. Like, you know, like, I don't know to what I just said. Presence, purpose, connection. Like, maybe that's kind of what we're here for in this moment in time. And any little bit of that matters, you know, I think when people reach out to me and just share like a story and like, wow, that was their ripple right now.
Casey: Like that impacted me. I took that in.
yenukwa: Yeah. And there's power in sharing. Right? Like you think about, you look at the ancient civilization. And they've passed on messages and stories through dialogue and conversation [00:58:00] for century. So there's, there's something therapeutic, there's something healing and transformative about someone else hearing your soul, your heart, your experience.
Casey: Yeah. Yeah. And you know, sitting here in this room right now as a woman, um, every time that I have. The type of space held for me that you have just held for me. And obviously it's in the context of a podcast and a conversation, but like, I feel like there were real, like authentic parts of me that had a safe place to land, you know, and every time I get to experience a man who has done some introspective work and is supported by other.
Casey: Men where they talk about vulnerable topics and dig deeper. Every time I get to sit in the presence of a man who's done his work. I heal, you know, I heal a little [00:59:00] more because God damn it. I've been traumatized by men as we all have right. By women. But it's like any moment that like offers. A bit of that truth and safety and presence it's healing.
Casey: So I appreciate that. Thank you.
yenukwa: My pleasure. Thanks for having me on your podcast. Always a pleasure. .
