Should I keep working on the relationship or should I leave it?
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Casey: [00:00:00] Hi there. And welcome back to the purpose map podcast. I'm Casey, Berkland your host. And today's episode is a live coaching episode with one of our community members who is in a space of asking the question. Should I stay? Is there more work for me to do here, or should I go in the context of a romantic partnership?
Casey: Ah, I take a deep breath alongside her. We've all been there in the back and forth wondering pros and cons place of. The space before making a decision to move on from a relationship or to stay committed to it and work through it. And of course there's no right answer. Only the one that feels true for you when you're in that circumstance.
Casey: So our guests today could feel the [00:01:00] energy of. Struggle in this experience. And, and you'll notice that she's been in this back and forth questioning for some time, a bit of time and really wanted to get clarity for herself on what next step she wants to take, whether she wants to stay and continue to work on the relationship and work on herself within the relationship, or if it's just not feeling aligned and it's time to move on.
Casey: So in this episode, I guided this community member into her body and into a really patient discovery of body wisdom. And it was quite amazing what she discovered. So I can't wait for you to tune in and follow along on her transformational journey toward more clarity. I hope you enjoy the episode and. In her shoes [00:02:00] right now, so much love and compassion your way, your body is your greatest gift in these moments.
Casey: And it's safe for you to trust yourself.
Casey: I almost forgot one quick announcement. You are invited to a worthy well community gathering. It's called the purpose map digital day retreat. And it's on Sunday, January 2nd, starting at 10:00 AM. Mountain time. That is 9:00 AM. Pacific time. Noon Eastern time. I think 5:00 PM. GMT you're invited. This is a day retreat that is facilitated by me.
Casey: And it's for you and your purpose driven friends, I'll help you to celebrate your wins and learnings from 2021 call in what's aligned for you for 2022 and help you connect with others who will support your vision. You may have heard me say before that wing Manning and making strangers [00:03:00] friends is one of my super powers.
Casey: So my hope is that you meet at least one person who could literally change your life. We're going to make magic together. So that's January 2nd. You can sign up using the link in the show notes for the purpose map, digital day retreat, almost forgotten. Okay. Now on with the episode.
Casey: All right. Hello. And thank you so much for being here and being open to being coached on the purpose of that podcast and so grateful to have you,
Casey: how are you? You're so welcome.
Casey: How are you feeling in this moment?
Julie: I felt really
Julie: stressed coming on. And now that we're here and we kind of like you reassured me before we hit record. So it, I feel much calmer now.
Casey: Great. Wonderful. Well, I often remind my clients and I'll [00:04:00] remind you. And I know I reminded you before we hit record that all of you is welcome here and you're in charge and whatever you need, you are the true sort of guide of this experience. So trust yourself, trust your body. And don't ever hesitate to ask for what you need.
Casey: And I'm curious in this moment, what are you feeling like we need to focus on today.
Julie: So it's my relationship with my boyfriend that I've been having doubts, um, probably since like last December, but much more pronounced, uh, since the summer. So listen, like the past two or three months, I've been really doubting thinking, oh, am I with the right person? Was it a right decision to move in together?
Julie: Cause it's pretty much since the day we moved in together. I've been feeling like more of a pullback.
Casey: Yeah. [00:05:00] So you've noticed that since moving in, uh, there's this pull back, I'm curious if you could share a little bit more about the pullback, just to what you mean by that.
Julie: I think there's a couple of factors in play. Um, I know that one of the, like one of the factors is I feel like I'm being the mother or I'm being superior when, you know, being critical of him. Um, that's a dynamic that I'm not comfortable in. I feel like I've done that before in past relationships and I'm tired of it.
Casey: Right.
Julie: It feels kind
Casey: Yes.
Julie: and
Julie: yeah.
Casey: Um, yeah. So when you say pull back, what I'm hearing you say is there's a bit of a pull back from a pattern because
Julie: Um,
Casey: of this, this pattern of perhaps mothering or coaching or guiding the
Casey: person that you're with and not wanting to do that anymore.
Julie: yeah.
Julie: [00:06:00] And there's also this whole aspect of, I want my space because I've been living by myself for like three years and now we've moved in together, you know, in a new place. And I don't have a space. That's just my own, you know, my boyfriend has the spare room, which is his office because he's most days working from home. Um,
Julie: and he has much more stuff than me. Like he has lots of different, you know, little projects and it makes him accumulate I don't know if I can say shit.
Casey: You can say whatever is authentic for you to
Casey: say
Julie: So, yeah. Sometimes I feel like when he's coming close to, like, I want my space and I want to pull back to have my little
Julie: safe space. That's just for me.
Casey: Yeah.
Casey: Got it. And it makes perfect sense that you would crave that given the, the way in which you've gotten used to that living on your own and being able to have that space. And you know, of course it's common that [00:07:00] we don't really realize what we had until it's like gone and it's like, oh, I needed
Julie: Hmm.
Casey: Um, so what I'm really hearing you say is
Casey: you're coming into the session feeling like there are questions around your relationship with your boyfriend, with your partner. And so those questions have really been amplified. It sounds like since you moved in
Julie: Yeah.
Casey: and there are needs that are being illuminated for you, one of them being
Julie: Hm.
Casey: Yeah. So I'm curious in the time that we have, which is about 40 minutes or so, by the end of this conversation, what specifically would you like to receive from it?
Julie: Um, guess kind of a clear answer of, should I keep working on the
Julie: relationship or is it?
Julie: time to move
Julie: on?
Casey: Hm. Wow. Yeah. Right. So clarity on answer to that [00:08:00] question of, do I stay, or do I go and interesting how you shared, like, should I keep working on the relationship? So it sounds like as it relates to staying that your sense is that there's there's work. Is there still work to be done here?
Julie: Oh, for sure.
Casey: Yeah. Yeah. Okay. How will you know that you've received that clarity at the
Casey: end?
Julie: From where the answers go and from what the
Julie: body tells me,
Casey: Yeah. Love that you have that connection to your body already. And, and when you say from what the body tells me, What does, uh, what do you know about yourself already in terms of what a yes or a stay feels like and what a no might feel like? Like how will you know, from your body that there's a clear answer there to follow?
Julie: I guess it would be, if I'm putting [00:09:00] myself in a scenario, do I feel
Julie: steady? Do I feel calm or am I
Casey: Hm.
Julie: uh, unsettled and shaky and knotted up in the
Julie: throat?
Casey: Right. on that's beautiful awareness that you just shared, that when you feel shaky, knotted up in the throat, that that is like, um, an uncertain, sensation in your body. And when you feel like, kind of calm grounded in your body, that there's more certainty, there's more
Casey: trust in that sensation.
Casey: Is that what I'm hearing?
Julie: Yeah.
Casey: Yeah.
Julie: cause I don't know, like would I know just from the body, you know, without putting myself, okay. Imagine that you're going to stay
Casey: Yeah,
Julie: imagine that you know, also it's
Casey: yeah.
Julie: and also I'm still working on trusting my body and I'm not
Casey: Right, [00:10:00]
Julie: is this stickiness
Julie: here
Casey: right.
Julie: is the solidity, my safe
Julie: space, you know?
Casey: Yeah. What's the body wisdom really about and what is, what is safe for me to trust?
Julie: Yeah,
Casey: thank you for bringing that forth because I think that's true for a lot of folks that, that it takes, um, mastery, to be honest, it takes a lot of practice be able to not just attuned to the wisdom of the body, but also like receive that wisdom and then trust it and then act on it.
Casey: Um, so yeah, I appreciate you speaking that into the space. And what I'm hearing you say is that what might be helpful is like getting in the zone of a scenario and noticing what sensation that brings up in the body versus perhaps another sensor scenario, noticing what sensation that brings up in the body.
Casey: And it sounds like you'll come to a sense of clarity when there is a knowing from a calm, relaxed,
Casey: regulated space. [00:11:00] Does that feel true?
Julie: yeah, it Does without it, you know, now I know it's going to be official and we're actually going to do it. So it's scary. Cause I've like, Kind of like, well, not practicing, but like kind of imagining myself or, you know, when I've been having my doubts, like, oh, should I, you know, be single and blah, blah, blah.
Julie: And then I, like, I feel kind of good
Julie: when I think of that. So it was like, oh no,
Julie: am I gonna like, get out of here
Julie: and then break up with my boyfriend? You know,
Casey: Yeah.
Casey: And that, that fear that comes up with that question. Am I gonna get out of here and break up with my boyfriend? Tell me a little bit more about that fear, the scary part.
Julie: it's not super clear where it comes from. I think a part of. Is I don't like, Um,
Julie: seeing myself fail at something
Casey: Um,
Julie: like, failing this relationship. Or like I made the wrong [00:12:00] moves, like the realization that I've,
Julie: you know, that I have to like
Julie: rewind or, you know, undo
Casey: Um,
Julie: I thought was right.
Casey: right.
Casey: Yeah. Yeah. So there's this, this fear of failure that comes into play with the thought of exiting a relationship and you use the term, uh, the words like undo what I thought was right. What's what's hard. Or like what's underneath that. Not wanting to undo what you thought was, right. Like what's the worst part of that.
Casey: What's the scary part of that? What would that mean about you?
Julie: Lots of silences. you?
Julie: might want to edit that out.
Casey: It makes perfect sense to need time to process. These are hard questions and they have a lot of, um, I can sense from your end that it definitely [00:13:00] feels like there's a lot of weight to them, given that your sense is that this conversation could impact the trajectory of your relationship moving forward in a really prominent way.
Casey: So it makes perfect sense that you would feel like you need space and time and silence to even processed what I'm asking you.
Julie: Thank you.
Casey: You're welcome.
Julie: So what was the question again?
Casey: Yeah. Good question. Um, well we were talking about. We were talking about this fear of having to undo what you thought was right. And maybe I'll, I'll ask kind of a different, a different question related to that. Like when you, and, and if you feel called to, you can even close your eyes, but when you tune into having to undo what you thought was right, I'm curious where you feel that in your body.
Julie: [00:14:00] It's kind of a squeezing our attention from. Heart center up to the throat?
Casey: Yeah, a squeezing or attention from the heart center up to this road and this squeezing slash tension that you experience and the, um, the connection that, that sensation to the thought of having to undo what you thought was. Right. What sense do you have about how that may be connected to
Casey: indecision
Julie: Um,
Casey: about the relationship?
Casey: Do they feel connected to you
Julie: yes. Yeah.
Casey: share a little more about that?
Casey: if there is more, it might just be that simple. Yeah. They feel connected.
Julie: I guess if I. To end, like, I feel like [00:15:00] ending the relationship is the decision. Um, like it's the, it's the big dissonance that it's the one that has the most impact outwardly you know, the logistics of one or both of us moving out, um, telling people I know, um, we have a vacation overseas planned for this fall. Like
Casey: Yes.
Julie: to organize and like, it's a big move if I decide that versus if I stay in that indecision, I'm going to feel sad and stressed as I've been in the last couple of months. And if I get clear and I want to work on the relationship and, you know, We're calling myself work on our dynamic. It's like, [00:16:00] that doubt still going to be there?
Casey: Right. Yeah. Yeah. Um, when I asked you about that sensation, you felt from the heart to the throat it's connection to, um, undoing something that you thought was right. What I witnessed in you is that you went right into logical mind around, like, that would mean canceling this vacation, telling our friends, someone, moving out, splitting up stuff, like there's probably more and more and more.
Casey: And so what I'm really hearing you say is that there's a connection between. The logistics. And maybe the, you, you also talked about like, that's the most, uh, this might not be your words, but outward appearance of that, right? Like, like you're in your inner process here. You're, you've been in your inner process since December, and there's a certain type of constriction or [00:17:00] tension that comes with that process.
Casey: And it's a different type of constriction or tension that comes with imagining the things that you'll need to do that are visible to the outside world. Should you choose to exit the relationship? And is it fair to say that that is in part connected to the, having to undo what you thought was right. The sensation in the heart and the throat,
Julie: Yeah, I think so. Cause it's like
Casey: how old.
Julie: I mean the already on doing a relationship, you know, that's already, you know, some kind of icky feeling, you know, like that, that tension is. Is me being like, oh,
Casey: Yeah.
Julie: Cause it's also
Julie: the second date I went on like last summer when like COVID we [00:18:00] thought COVID was maybe dead, like whew. Things are all coming back up again. And I'm like, just throw myself at the first person? Cause it was, I'd been alone for, you know, on lockdown.
Casey: Yeah. Yeah. There's lots of questions.
Julie: Yeah.
Casey: lots of questions that you're reflecting on when you go back to last summer, when you look at like what's, what's transpired since you moved in, when you look into the future and you think of certain realities, there's a lot of questions that pop up. I'm curious how open you would be to attuning to the sensations in the body.
Casey: And maybe even starting with that sensation between the heart and the throat that you discovered when I asked about undoing, something that you thought was right, and just maybe being open to seeing what your body has to say about this and trusting in that journey. Does that feel like a safe and comfortable place?
Casey: Well, maybe comfortable is the wrong word, but a safe place, [00:19:00] a place that feels right to go to for you. Yeah.
Julie: Let's do it.
Casey: With the little bit of hesitation, which is completely natural. Yeah. And I'll remind you at any point, if you need to come out or, um, we can do that at any point. So I'm just going to invite you to, um, be in a comfortable position.
Casey: It looks like you are already and you already closed your eyes. So take a deep breath in through the nose and out through the mouth.
Casey: And just do that a couple more times to bring about this little bit of softening in the body. One more time here. your breath at the top for a moment and on your exhale, you're going to drop back into that sensation in the heart and the throat. If it's still there. So we're imagining this scenario where you're required to undo what you thought was.
Casey: [00:20:00] Right. And is it fair to say that that this context is breaking up with your boyfriend, changing those plans, moving in a different direction? Is that what we're talking about here?
Julie: Yes.
Casey: I'm seeing you nod. Yeah. So as you imagine that scenario and you drop into the sensations of the body,
Casey: I invite you to notice you feel and where you feel it
Casey: and take as much time as you need. There's never any hurry or rush. And when you feel called to, can speak a little bit to that sensation. What do you feel and where do you feel it.
Julie: I feel three things, um, that tightening in the chest,
Julie: the tightening in the throat and too much [00:21:00] saliva
Julie: for some reason.
Casey: Interesting. Okay. So just notice that and always bringing a kindness, a gentle compassion to any sensation that you feel in your body, like a softness to it. So there's this tension in the heart to tightness in the throat and an overproduction of saliva wet mouth. So just noticing that,
Casey: and I'm curious if these sensations feel like they're all connected to each other, or if they're three different or separate sensations.
Julie: They feel connected.
Casey: So notice and trust that sense that they feel connected.
Casey: And so from this sort of bigger picture perspective, there's an awareness of the heart, the throat, and the saliva in the mouth.
Casey: And I'm curious, what of [00:22:00] these three sensations, even though they feel connected, what one is most asking for your awareness to start with
Julie: Okay, so this is not answering your question, but I'm, it, it feels like it's a movement. Like it's,
Casey: say more about that?
Julie: it starts in the heart and it like tries to get out through the throat and then like, it ends up in the
Julie: mouth.
Casey: Beautiful Beautiful awareness. So just noticing that that the sensation starts as attention in the heart, and there's a dynamic ness to it. It moves up through the throat and tries to get out through the mouth, just continuing to pay attention to the body with no judgment at all, allowing yourself to, if possible, get a little bit closer to these sensations or [00:23:00] explore perhaps the nuance of them
Casey: as if you're meeting them or being with them in a kind and compassionate
Casey: way.
Julie: Hmm.
Casey: What did you just notice?
Julie: I was like, I was inside this installation.
Casey: Mm,
Julie: you asked me to do that, I, I stepped out
Julie: so that I could observe.
Casey: okay. Beautiful awareness. And what felt different about that? Like the difference between being inside versus stepping out?
Julie: When I was inside, it felt, Um,
Julie: much more uncomfortable. Like it feels like it, I mean, when it felt like as if I just wanted to get it out as if I wanted to like, vomit, [00:24:00]
Casey: Um,
Julie: weird stuff in my heart that I can't talk through my throat. And so I want to like, you know, like when we more saliva, when we want it, when we feel like we're going to be sick,
Casey: Right.
Casey: Okay.
Julie: then when I stepped out of that, I
Julie: could kind of see that, um, It's like more of, um, it's me wanting to get rid of the uncomfortableness of my situation and it feels less scary when I'm just observing it from the outside.
Casey: Um, that's a wonderful awareness. So naturally when guided to attuned to this sensation, your awareness went straight into the center of it. And in the center of that tension in the heart [00:25:00] and awareness of the tightness in the throat and the saliva in the mouth, it's like the saliva in the mouth is this, if you want to vomit as if you want to expel it.
Casey: So if you want to fix that uncomfortable sensation, and it sounds like you had this shift in awareness that allowed you to, and allows you to observe it with a bit of a softness, maybe an easier capacity to feel it rather than fix it.
Julie: yes.
Casey: Yeah. And just to check in with you and your own intuition, your own inner wisdom, from what perspective feels the most supportive right now, inside the sensation or slightly out of it, observing.
Julie: I think it was useful to feel both
Casey: Amazing. Okay. So if I have your permission, there might be an [00:26:00] opportunity to explore both in different ways. So let's stay here a little bit longer, stay attuned to the sensations that you feel. I'm curious in this moment, are you in the observer's seat
Casey: or are you inside the sensation?
Julie: I'm observing.
Casey: Okay. So
Casey: from this space of the observer, just invite you to watch and notice the raw physical sensations in your body,
Casey: how they stayed the same or how they shift.
Casey: And how else might you describe the sensations that you feel from this observer's seat?
Julie: It feels like in the chest or in the stomach, it's like, it's turning before. It felt like really [00:27:00] like more like a huge rock, but now it's,
Julie: it's
Casey: Hmm.
Julie: It's like trying to digest.
Casey: Um, right. So the sensation has transformed a little bit. It's become perhaps a little bit less dense, less like a rock and able to move and be a little bit more fluid. You also mentioned the stomach, so did some of the sensation drop a little bit as well?
Julie: Yeah, that's true.
Casey: Right on. So just staying with that, noticing that, that there are shifts that are starting to happen as you take the seat of the observer and you witnessed and watch the sensation that started in the heart wanted to move up through the throat out of the mouth. Okay. [00:28:00] It's transformed. It's become a little bit less dense, a little bit more movement.
Casey: The sensation drops into the stomach a little bit more.
Casey: You're doing a great job. Just continue to track and watch and journey with the feelings that you feel.
Julie: That heaviness that I felt it's going downwards more and more. It's like more in the belly now. Um, but the throat is still kind of tight.
Casey: Yeah. So the heaviness is moving down. This focus tight. For a moment. I invite you to get it a little bit closer to the throat to perhaps explore it
Casey: in a bit of [00:29:00] a more nuanced way.
Casey: You said it feels a bit tight.
Casey: I'm curious if the throat sensation had a color, what it would be
Julie: Dark
Julie: something dark.
Julie: It feels
Casey: something dark.
Julie: I don't know if I want to scream or cry with my
Casey: Um,
Julie: stuck in there.
Casey: yeah, there's there's energy. That's stuck there. There's dark energy. That's stuck there. And it sounds like that energy, uh, is creating a desire to do something, it scream or cry or express in some way. Uh, what I'm hearing there is that that dark energy wants to be released in some way. Does that feel true for you?
Julie: Yes.
Casey: Okay. [00:30:00] So noticing that and allowing that to be there. And then I invite you to tune back into the belly where that heaviness drop
Casey: to. Is that still present for you? That sensation.
Julie: And when you? mentioned it, I just realized That I was like, clenching,
Julie: my belly was clenched.
Casey: So there's a tightness or a holding. What's your sense about what's being held there?
Julie: My safety.
Casey: Hmm. That awareness came in pretty strong, my safety. it's, uh, like the clenching is, uh, is protecting you from something they're protecting you from.
Casey: Yeah.
Casey: Okay.
Julie: I'm not sure that was like the question [00:31:00] that it like, that it wanted to like where it wanted to go. It's more like it's the last bit of safety I have and I don't want to let go of it.
Casey: The last bit of safety that you have, and you don't want to let go of it.
Casey: How open are you to continuing to almost like it's almost as if you're dialoguing with that part of your body. Think I'm curious to ask that, um, like why just like a kind compassionate curiosity, like, why does this feel like the last bit of safety and why don't you want to let go of it?
Julie: Hmm. I'm so used to my safety, being myself. [00:32:00] To be in control. I have to keep myself from going into my
Julie: thoughts. It's hard.
Casey: Yeah, he just witnessed that in you. I was just going to say, connect back in with the sensation down there. It's only natural to do that. And, and that is an integrative process. So, so what I'm hearing you say is there's this clenching in your belly. This tightness, that feels like your last bit of safety that you don't want to let go up.
Casey: Is that sensation still there in the stomach? Or how has that changed
Julie: Yeah, it's there. Well, it's there in the belly?
Casey: in the belly? Yeah. So when you mentioned that you're so used to being in control, like your safety coming from yourself, was that coming from the belly or from the head?
Julie: I'm not sure. Well, I think it was my head?
Julie: [00:33:00] Yeah.
Casey: Okay. Just continuing to notice, continue to bring in this intention of trusting wherever you're being guided.
Casey: And again, I invite you to let go of the story for a moment or two, and just reconnect back in with the physical sensations that tightness in the belly, that sensation of heaviness, that drop from the heart to the belly,
Casey: the tightness feeling like it's a sense of safety.
Casey: Are you still noticing the throat and
Casey: that constriction in the throat?
Julie: When I'm feeling most right now is, um, the back of my neck. Where the skull meets like the neck where it's like a little bit soft there it's tight, tight,
Julie: there,
Casey: Okay. So notice that. [00:34:00]
Casey: Just following the journey of your awareness, like how your awareness has been drawn to the back of the neck and just allow that to be no need to fix or change. And in the same way, if you can tune into the back of the neck and notice that sensation,
Casey: how would you describe that? Sensation?
Julie: scrunched it
Julie: like
Casey: Scrunched?
Julie: up,
Casey: Hmm,
Casey: Hmm.
Julie: but like, Yeah.
Casey: Yeah. Nodded. So at these different points in the physical system that are kind of getting small, getting contracted, crunched up a little bit,
Casey: just continue to breathe and connect with your body.
Julie: The neck is like, feeling tired.
Casey: [00:35:00] Um, just feeling tired.
Julie: It's tired of
Julie: working.
Casey: Yeah.
Casey: Yeah. If you could get a little bit closer to that part of the neck, that's scrunched up, that's tired. That's tired of working,
Casey: almost getting, getting close to it. Like it's a being in and of itself.
Casey: What is that part of the neck and that sensation? That's tired. What does it meeting?
Julie: Progressed to be taken care of.
Casey: Yeah. So a part that wants to rest to be taken care of sounds like to just like, let go.
Julie: Yeah,
Casey: Hmm.
Casey: And how's your throat doing right now?
Julie: it's still tight,
Julie: [00:36:00] but like,
Julie: it feels a bit more open.
Casey: So there's been a little bit of a shift there it's slightly more open, but there's still a level of tightness there. If that tightness that remains, if that part could speak, what would it ask for?
Julie: Take care of me.
Casey: Yeah, take care of me.
Casey: What does that mean to be taken care of? Like what type of care is it wanting to receive?
Julie: Tenderness trust that I can release.
Casey: The throat one tenderness, love and trust that you can release
Casey: back on the neck slash head wants rest to [00:37:00] let go.
Casey: And if you could on your next breath reattune to the sensation in the belly, I mean, just take a moment to get reconnected with it, to see if it's shifted or changed.
Casey: What are you noticing there now?
Julie: It feels hollow.
Casey: So different from how I felt before
Julie: Yeah.
Casey: a hollowness inside of attention.
Julie: Hmm. At first I just noticed like the in my belly, but you're right. There is tension around
Julie: it.
Casey: Almost like a, like a shell, like an edge, like a protective kind of shield, because it's like maybe the hollowness. Um, I'm just like getting this intuition about it being like really soft and tender and vulnerable. Does that align at all?[00:38:00]
Julie: Maybe not.
Casey: Um, what is it instead?
Julie: It's like those feelings, like you said, like they're gone. They're not
Julie: there.
Casey: It's just like a hollowness and emptiness.
Casey: What does the hollow ness need? If anything,
Julie: To be filled back up.
Casey: um, yes, to be filled back up again,
Casey: if there's a way that you can inquire with that part and ask like, with what, like, what do you mean by that? What's its response.
Julie: It feels like it wants.
Julie: Either love or meaning, or like both love and meaning.[00:39:00]
Casey: Yeah. Like in some ways the, the love and the meaning are connected to a similar energy. Yeah. Okay, so it wants to be filled with love or meaning or both.
Casey: And are you still feeling that or that shell, that sort of tension around the hollow park what's happened there?
Julie: Yes, trying to see how it was going to move. Cause Fred, before you asked the question, I realized I was really tensing a lot and I wanted to see if it was going to disappear, but it's still
Julie: there.
Casey: Okay. So noticing that, like letting it be there, need to fix or change that tense part. I wonder if there's a way that you can sort of connect with the wisdom of that tense part. [00:40:00] Like, what does that part need or want
Julie: Hmm. Well, the tension is like trying to hide the hollow.
Casey: great awareness. The tension is trying to hide the hollow
Casey: for what purpose?
Julie: Because it's scary to imagine while it's scary to think that I have a hollow. I don't know how to word it. It's like the shamed kind of,
Casey: Yeah. Like the tension is protecting you from acknowledging the hollowness,
Julie: yeah.
Casey: the lack of love and meaning perhaps. Does that feel [00:41:00] true?
Julie: Yes.
Casey: Yeah. So the tension is just trying to keep you safe. Coming back to what you said before about safety. It's just trying to keep you safe. It's just trying to keep you protected.
Casey: And considering that you've already sort of noted the hollowness and given it a voice, I'm curious how, or if that tension is still needed in that same way, or if perhaps there's another role you could offer it.
Julie: spontaneously. I saw or like, I imagined that like the attention could
Julie: like get under the hollowing, like move it up, get it.
Julie: out.
Casey: Um, so like the tension could become a supportive platform.
Julie: Yeah.[00:42:00]
Casey: And what impact would that have?
Julie: I guess the hollow is, I think one of the reasons I feel all the other stuff, so
Julie: I'm getting into my head cause I'm like, oh, well, if I, if I move it, like if I inject it and I'm like, no, that's not how it works. You need to fill up.
Casey: Yeah. So just notice that, let that be okay. The getting into your head, you know, it's only natural for that to happen. So just coming back to what, what is being revealed so far, maybe in a bigger picture way, this there's, there was this, there may still be this sort of tension at the back of the neck.
Casey: That's just tired. Wants rest, wants to be cared for this sensation in this wrote.
Casey: Sort of a similar [00:43:00] vibe to it that care that loves. And then there's this hollowness that wants to be filled with love and meaning and attention around it. That is trying to be protective of you seeing the hollowness or acknowledging the hollowness.
Casey: What happens in your body? Just hearing that back, that reflection back.
Julie: Yeah, it brings true.
Casey: Yeah. So just connecting with that wisdom, this, this tiredness that's here. This need for desire for care, this hollowness, where there wants to be love and meaning this part that doesn't want you to see the hollowness or the lack of love and meaning maybe protecting you. You mentioned that word shame before protecting you [00:44:00] from some of the shame of that.
Casey: So given that, that all rings true, like what wisdom does your body have for you we connect it back to some of the questions that you have about the relationship about, uh, not wanting to undo what you thought was right. What wisdom is present for you?
Julie: I'm tired of pretending to love this person. And I feel ashamed.
Casey: Yeah, tired of pretending. It's almost like the tightness. It sounds like that that was kind of a theme and all of these areas of your body, that the tightness is getting tired. The pretending is getting tired.
Casey: So I invite you to stay connected to your [00:45:00] body for a few more moments and just like offering yourself loads of love and compassion as you breathe into your body and just. Allowing there to be a bit of spaciousness for any other bits of wisdom of truth, to be revealed to you
Casey: when you feel like you've received what you need to receive, or when there's sort of a natural sense of completion, you may start to deepen your breath and bring a little movement back. And as you do, like offer gratitude to your body for offering its wisdom.
Casey: Yeah. And invite any movement that might feel supportive, or if there's anything that you are needing that you can offer yourself right now, as you start to come back into our space.
Casey: Just take a, take a moment to just check in with, you [00:46:00] know, at the start, you said you wanted some clarity around decision-making and I'm curious how much progress you feel like we made towards that outcome. I think in terms of clarity, where do you feel like on a scale from one to 10, where one is like not clear at all, and 10 is a hundred percent clear.
Casey: Where are you at right now?
Julie: I'm at an eight.
Julie: Um, that I'm, I think that right now?
Julie: on like that in the past, I've not been in a state of love and that those two points. Um, uncertainty it's, um, questioning. Am [00:47:00] I able to grow?
Casey: Yeah. So what I'm hearing you say is you feel like you haven't been in a state of love and maybe that hollowness in the, in the stomach is. Part of that embodiment, like feeling a lack there, feeling, um, an emptiness there. And then that question, am I able to grow? I, I just noticed that you post that as a question and yeah, I'm curious to what extent you have clarity on the answer to that question?
Julie: I'm not clear. I don't know if, if I'm able to cultivate love that this person. And while I was framing, that thought I'm like, well, why is it hollow in the first place? It feels like he got [00:48:00] sucked out.
Casey: Hmm, somewhere along the line.
Casey: Okay. So this is a big, big decision, big question, big, um, experience that you like post. And, um, I guess I'm curious, you know, you had noted that. Going into different scenarios and exploring body wisdom would be supportive. And once we got in there as that place to start, it felt like there were so many different moving parts that came up and it felt like really worthy of spending time there.
Casey: And I guess I'm curious in this moment, that we didn't necessarily like go into various situations and do that a few different times. Well, I guess I'm curious to [00:49:00] know, you said you're eight out of 10 clear what it would take or what you would need to make a decision. So I just caught myself because maybe eight out of 10 is enough to make a decision.
Casey: Right.
Casey: Maybe you don't need to be at a 10 out of 10 or maybe you do. I'm not sure, but as I was speaking that question, it's like a reframe hit kinda came into my mind. So maybe the question is this, what do you feel like you need now to be able to make a decision?
Julie: I think what I found out today is already enough to start a conversation, kind of see how he feels about it.
Casey: Yeah. So those discoveries around the hollowness feeling like a lack of love and meaning and the tension, the [00:50:00] part that's like pretending or holding it all together is getting tired. What I'm hearing you say is some communication with your partner around that, uh, is a next step that you feel called to
Casey: take.
Julie: Yes. And it might to a breakup. It might lead to lots of work just when I'm saying that I'm like, oh, I'm tired of work.
Casey: Yeah, your body's kind of saying that too. And you know, I'm not saying that to say necessarily that a breakup is the way to go, but of what choice you make in the relationship, it sounds like there are parts that need to be nurtured.
Julie: Yes,
Casey: Mm. Yeah. Um, as we wrap up,
Casey: what do you feel like you need to feel [00:51:00] complete if anything complete in our conversation complete in this session?
Julie: I guess a reassurance that
Casey: Um,
Julie: happens.
Julie: I'm going to be
Julie: okay.
Casey: Hmm. Yeah. How could you reassure yourself that whatever happens, you're going to be okay.
Julie: Okay.
Casey: I love that idea. Honestly, a nice long nap. I feel in my soul that whatever happens, you're going to be okay. And trust your own wisdom. A nice long nap.
Casey: Thank you so much for showing up authentically and in your vulnerability and willing to explore the wisdom of your body and to receive what it has for you today. I just really
Casey: appreciate that.[00:52:00]
Julie: I appreciate this, um, this
Casey: Hmm.
Julie: this whole processes is something it's strong.
Casey: Yeah. Well, it was my pleasure.
Casey: Thank you as always for tuning in. I hope you received some great wisdom through this episode with our community member. And if you're in a place where you are wondering which road to take staying or going, whether that's in a relationship or in some other area of your life. One way you might consider integrating is through just doing a simple check in with your body.
Casey: It may not be as extensive as what we did in this episode with this guest, but even simply asking yourself when I contemplate this, what do I feel in my body? And where do I [00:53:00] feel? And if you'd like to take it deeper, the body acronym exercise is here for you. And of course, I'm always here to support as well.
Casey: Feel welcome to reach out and we can find the right way for you to feel supported. That's all for today. Take really good care.