Reckonings Are Hard
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Casey Berglund: [00:00:00] Every so often I get this tap on my shoulder to start a recording. To turn a mic on. And to talk. And when that tap on the shoulder comes, there's a part of me that's like, wait, what? Huh? What do you want me to talk about? I don't even know what I'm talking about. And there's another part that's like, just turn on the mic.
And so here I am. Hi, it's me Casey, your host Purpose Map host, founder of Worthy And well, in these moments, my intro spiel feels like it's not fitting for the energy of the intuitive hit. Um, but here we are. So the mic is on and I am trusting that. And feeling into my body right now to see what really wants to come through.[00:01:00]
And what feels true to share is that it's a fucking hard practice sometimes to trust, challenge, and change. And when I hear things like. You know, growth is at the edge of your comfort zone, outside of your comfort zone. See, I can't even quote things properly right now, but when it's like there's miracles on the other side of this challenge, when I hear things like that, you know, the inspirational quotes that are supposed to help us move through change and discomfort.
I resonate with it when I'm not in the discomfort, but when I'm smack dab in the center of a reckoning where it feels like my earth is crumbling beneath my feet, like I'm being pulled into a deep, dark void or like I'm losing everything, my closest people, [00:02:00] dearest friends, my sense of safety and stability in those moments, it's kind of like, Easy for you to say is what I feel inside, and yet I'm having a moment of peace right now after a challenging reckoning that's lasted about a month, to be honest, with this little glimmer of knowing that in fact those cliches are true, that in fact on the other side of.
Discomfort is growth is exactly what I called in, is the change that I've been seeking over the last week. I've felt regretful [00:03:00] and resentful of embodiment, period, but it's true. Just yesterday, I wrote a text to a friend saying, am I burnt out from writing a book that's supposed to help leaders prevent burnout?
And luckily she wrote me back saying, this is why you write this. If you didn't reckon with it, you'd have no wisdom to share. And so I've been a bit resentful of embodiment lately because, Because the deeper I go into the space of connecting with my body, the more attuned and sensitive I become. Yes, there are moments where I feel more resilient, where I'm like, holy shit, I can handle so much because my nervous system is so strong because of the embodiment work.
And then there's like a new upper ceiling that gets lifted. It's like the, the pressure to [00:04:00] stretch my window of tolerance or my window of resilience. Is present. And in that pressure to stretch, I feel like I've lost it all. I feel like a failure. I feel like I'm not doing it. You know, in that pressure to stretch, it's like, wow, there's a whole new level of sensitivity that needs and wants to be grounded.
So sometimes in these initiations where. I don't know. Call it an up level. Call it a next level words I like to use, call it an expansion. There's this like reckoning that happens inside. And for me, sometimes that reckoning creates a regret where I'm kind of like, you know, when my relationships were [00:05:00] more superficial, we'd just ghost each other.
And sometimes that felt easier. And when I was disembodied or didn't pay attention to my body, I would just like work a lot more and forget that I had feelings. And in moments where the. Outcome of embodiment feels extra hard. A k a, there's more sensing. More sensing of everything. Energy, other people's emotions.
My own emotions. Just sensations in general in my body. It's just hard sometimes.
So here I am in a, in a moment. With that little voice inside my head, that's kind of like, you still don't even know what you're talking about in this podcast episode or why you turn the mic on, but maybe it's enough to just like be in a truthful moment and share maybe it's enough to be in a moment and [00:06:00] share that Sometimes embodiment sucks and like consciousness work is hard, especially if it's done correctly.
And also it doesn't have to be hard and there can be ease, and we get to take safety to soothe our nervous systems or go the easy way out because that's the right thing in the moment. In this moment, I'm feeling a call to come back to center to ground, to have extra space, to have firm boundaries and to, you know, take a couple days in nature, which I'm doing, taking myself on a little retreat.
And that feels right. And it's interesting leading up to this pause or retreat that I'm creating for myself, how I'm. Acknowledging that maybe without that pressure, without that tension, without that sensitivity, without that, uh, disruption, earthquakey feeling in relationships that matter, [00:07:00] I wouldn't have the impetus to actually pause and ground.
And there's always wisdom at every point along the way. Whether I'm in a phase of contraction or a phase of expansion, there's wisdom and, and in the phase of integration, there's wisdom. There's wisdom at every single point along the way. So in these moments, I think, who the hell am I to judge Everything that's just gone on as good or bad, or right or wrong?
It, it is, and it's guided me to this place. I feel, and I think this is a result of deeper and deeper embodiment and a result of the sensitivity that gets opened up through deeper and deeper embodiment. Um, I feel more of a connection with, uh, the stars, with astrology, with, uh, maybe more. Esoteric wisdom [00:08:00] traditions.
Those wisdom traditions that I used to judge when I was, you know, maybe more grounded in, in a, uh, 3D reality, but, and also limited because I wasn't accessing the wisdom of my body. It's like things have changed and, and, and now that there's more sensitivity, I feel more of an opening to a sensing of energies and the movement of the planets.
And, um, those systems that are more esoteric provide wisdom for me. And so I'm not an expert on any of this stuff, but this whole eclipse thing, I'm like, Ooh, that's real, you know? That is real, the reckoning that happens in those moments, and I feel it in my body. Such a, such an attuned level.
Maybe you do too.
Like energy attracts like [00:09:00] energy and I've been so blown away by the humans that have. Come into my world personally and professionally. You know this, for example, cohort of folks inside the light, your body lead facilitator training are like, you know, next level leaders. They're just so, uh, empowered and inspiring.
And every session we have, I learn something immensely from them. It's, it's incredible. And I would use the word integrated to describe who they be. And I'm meeting new friends and, uh, building new relationships with people who I would also describe as integrated. And by that I mean like really spiritual and really sensitive and really connected to the energetic realm and also really rooted and or desiring of being rooted even more so in the physical realm.
Being integrated [00:10:00] beings. And I think as an integrated being, there are moments where the learning needs to be more, uh, ethereal. And there are moments where the learning needs to be more grounded. Expansion, contraction, integration, and, uh, So if you're here listening to this, I'm just gonna trust that there's something in what I'm sharing that is maybe for you, like maybe you're in a moment where you're being initiated into a space of the unknown, A space that feels like, whoa, I'm experiencing things in my body that I don't understand and or energies or navigating dynamics that I've never navigated before.
Maybe you're in one of those growth moments and it feels like really hard, and it's like a new level that feels vulnerable. It's like, wait, have I learned anything this whole time? I thought I healed that. Why are these old patterns coming up in a [00:11:00] different way now? Or I should be able to navigate this better because I've done so much work.
I guess I'm speaking to you if you're noticing that it's like. These messy human parts are coming out in this navigation of what's going on through some sort of energetic uplevel, and maybe you're actually going through a, an initiation connected to the 3D realm, like maybe an initiation connected to your home and money, and like these really grounded parts of life.
Living in a city, in a capitalist society, and perhaps that's creating a reckoning of sorts. Either way. When we hit our upper ceiling. When I hit my upper ceiling, I feel like a [00:12:00] little baby again, learning for the first time. And sometimes it feels like I've moved backwards in my development path. But what.
Is actually true and I can sometimes access this truth in the moment, is that it's all part of the process. So things are messy right now and and also there's some grounding in them in moments and I think they're gonna continue to be messy and or up in the air. And you get to feel what you feel and know what you know and need, what you need.
And none of it's off the table. It all makes perfect sense for you. You know, I've been going through, uh, a new level of experiencing some of my energetic gifts and without awareness initially, [00:13:00] uh, they've kind of thrown me off balance. And I'm lucky to have a mentor to help guide me into grounding, you know, being a really highly attuned, sensitive person who's also walking the planet earth.
Um,
it just, all of it is real. I just wanna validate you, whatever you're feeling, emotions, anger, sadness, grief, even if you can't name it, just a sensation that's moving through your body that doesn't make sense to you. Trust it. There's a reason why it's there. It has wisdom for you. Even if you can't logic your way into understanding it.
It has wisdom for you. If there's disruptions that you're feeling [00:14:00] in your life right now, there's purpose to them. And also you get to, uh, create steady ground as well. You get to have boundaries. You get to, uh, you know, human. For me right now, I'm like, uh, I'm gonna focus on feeding myself like three meals a day and.
Resting, sleeping. That's what's needed sometimes in these upleveling moments. It takes time for the body and nervous system to calibrate to new experiences and new energy coming into the system. It's just part of how it is. It's okay. There's nothing wrong with you. You're, you're good even if you have like darker, intrusive thoughts sometimes.
Like not saying that that's, uh, Normal, or we shouldn't necessarily do anything about it, but it's also normal and sometimes there's nothing to do [00:15:00] about it and it's okay. You know, like that's part of the human experience. And so if you're listening to this, probably you're someone who has maybe been in this embodiment journey for a little bit while and, or.
And or haven't, but feel some of those symptoms of feeling ungrounded or sensitive and you're wanting to learn how to ground and to strengthen your nervous system, et cetera. And, um, it's just hard sometimes and that's okay. And we get to keep trusting and we get to do this together.
So that's it. I am wishing you a blessed day, and if all else fails, just take a deep breath and say something kind to yourself.
