How Understanding Attachment Theory Can Help You Not Lose Yourself in Your Relationship(s) with Taryn Newton-Gill
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Casey: [00:00:00] Hi friend. And welcome back to the purpose map podcast. I'm Casey Berglund, your host. Oh, it's so fun to be a host of a podcast. Let me just tell you, I'm loving this journey so far, and I'm also the founder of where the end. Well, and today we have a special guest on the podcast here in Newton Gill. Oh, gosh, you know, people who love food are my favorite people.
Casey: We're not going to necessarily talk about food on this podcast. Here is actually a love guide and a women's empowerment coach. But I sat down with Taryn, in California for dinner. it was the first time that we were meeting in real life and we went to this beautiful little Mexican restaurant and we sat down and, you know, whenever I'm eating with someone IRL, I'm sort of stressing out like, Hm, what's their kind of like style here.
Casey: And like, are they a foodie? Like. Hm, are they a sharer? Do they like to share food? And you know, like obviously I can outright ask those [00:01:00] questions, but it was so fun because we sat down and it was almost like we looked at each other and kind of just knew that like, yeah, let's get the appetizer and the main dish and let's share this and let's get tacos and let's get this.
Casey: And we just like filled our plate with beautiful food. And I mean, I had been traveling a lot. I had just gotten into California from Vancouver and, I hadn't eaten for many, many hours, so I was like starving and, it was just so good. Cause we just ate and talked and chatted and, man, there were so many moments.
Casey: We were like, oh, we should have like hit record during dinner because. We obviously got into so many conversations about dating and relationships and love and attachment styles and you know, all of what you're going to hear about in this episode. and of course, you know, someone's like living in alignment with their purpose or their Dharma when they like talk about what they do and are engaged.
Casey: In conversation about it and feel expanded by it when they're like [00:02:00] not getting paid for it, you know, like when we're sitting down to eat. So we had this beautiful dinner at this Mexican restaurant, and I don't know, I spent a couple of hours talking about all the things, many of which we kind of go on to.
Casey: Expand upon in this episode, which if you haven't caught on already, it's really about how to not lose yourself in relationships, especially as like. smart, ambitious, confident woman. And it's not just about that. It's about many other things like how disempowerment can come through living out cultural norms and how those cultural norms intersect with the different attachment styles to create patterns in how you relate with.
Taryn explains attachment theory and the foreign attachment styles and how learning this theory really changed the game for her in dating and helped her to find and choose a really amazing partner where they're able to build this like [00:03:00] secure relationship together. And, you know, Taryn really speaks from.
Casey: Experience and embodiment. I actually think, I don't know, you tell me, but I think I've got a pretty good like picker when it comes to podcast guests, I tend to, choose folks that walk the walk that embody what they teach. They're not just like regurgitating someone else's wisdom they're taking in information and really.
Casey: Integrating it in their system and living it and then guiding from that place. Taryn is someone who is an embodied teacher of attachment theory and is really good at what she does when it comes to guiding people through issues in love. Anyway, so we have dinner together and. Immediately. We're like, oh yeah.
Casey: I knew that we'd be friends. We took our online friendship to a whole other level in person. And we had planned beforehand to record a podcast episode afterward [00:04:00] for both of us. It's the first, it was the first time recording, like in the after hours, late in the night. I'm usually kind of a grandma after 8:00 PM.
Casey: So recording this episode that you're about to listen to it. Like, I don't know, 9:30 PM. It was a different vibe. And you'll notice that we, picked up a bottle of wine after our dinner. And, you know, I don't drink too much these days and enjoy a little taste of wine, especially shared in good company over a good conversation.
Casey: So we went and picked up this bottle of wine and, I saw a sign across the street from the liquor store. For a psychic neon lights illuminating the whole street like that open sign, you know what I'm talking about? And I look at Tara and I'm like, let's go. We got to go to this psychic. And we were kind of like, do we have time for this?
Casey: It's already like 9:00 PM. And we want to record this episode. Anyway, we run across this. I buzzed. There's like a little buzzer [00:05:00] on the door, like a Intercom type of thing. This woman answers only to claim that she's closed for the evening and forgot to turn the lights off. And then I looked to my right and I see the sign on the window that says a psychic in love.
Casey: Call 2, 2, 7 love. And, Oh, my goodness. This feels like kind of synchronistic based on the conversation we're about to have. And Taryn looks at me and she's like, I'll be your psychic case. And I'm like, all right, let's do this. And we hop back into our car and head to the hotel room that I booked for the evening and set up our equipment and we hit play.
Casey: And that's what you're about to listen to. I will say, because there, you know, is a bottle of wine involved and because it is later in the evening and in some ways like my witching hours anyways, I think terrines too, you may notice that there's a bit of a different tone to this episode or that it gets a little more casual and fun as [00:06:00] we move through it and make sure you listen all the way to the end, because Taryn does kind of do a bit of a psychic reading for me and.
Casey: I guess we use it as a manifestation moment. She's, helping me to call in my partner, I suppose. And you know, she kind of nails it. So make sure you listen into that. Now there's a couple of things that I want to mention in this, intro that I think are really important. So there's a point closer to the beginning where Taran speaks.
Casey: Quite generally about how one's culture, race, gender, identity, ethnicity, sexual preferences, et cetera. How, how these various elements play into how one's attachment style plays. And as you listen, you'll notice that the stories and experiences shared authentically in this episode, are more from a gender normative heteronormative place.
Casey: And it feels really important to acknowledge that. And I suppose for me, as [00:07:00] someone who cares deeply. You know, I care deeply about exploring my own truth and I want to experience all of life's juiciness. And I know that my Dharma, my purpose in life is to embody love. It feels important for me to tell you that, like I've been in romantic and non romantic relationships with men, which is obvious.
Casey: From this episode, but also, and this is less obvious. but also with women and non-binary people and trans people, and I've also explored polyamorous relationships in addition to monogamous relationships and have had romantic and non romantic relational experiences with people of various races and cultural backgrounds.
Casey: And so I literally cannot speak for anyone, but myself and I, especially can't speak for folks who have very different lived experiences, but I do feel called to say that. I believe that this framework of attachment theory applies to all relationships and its wisdom is universal. And actually like a little side note, [00:08:00] if you have a unique perspective, that's not normative or an interesting lived experience that you'd like to share on the podcast don't ever hesitate to reach out and pitch me.
Casey: I can guarantee that more people need to hear your story. And I think it's really, really important to share stories and examples, from a variety of different types of people with different experiences. Okay. Yeah. So Tara. You're going to meet her shortly. we had so much fun in this conversation and oh, I forgot to mention there's a part like in the latter half where we completely lose track of what we're talking about, Terrence, like talking about how, how women are biologically more intuitive.
Casey: It's a very interesting part of the conversation. We kind of go down this rabbit hole and then she finds herself being like, wait, what was I saying? And then I'm kinda like, oh my God, Tara. And I was so present with you that I've lost track and there's kind of an awkward pause. And a [00:09:00] moment where I think to myself, oh, you know, I'll get Dale, my, amazing like podcast editor genius to like, just cut this part out.
Casey: And then when I listened back to it, I'm like, you know what? This is about authenticity. And we're just going to leave that little blip in there in the recording. And, you'll know, you'll know what I'm talking about when you get to it. Anyway, she picks up right where she left off and we continue exactly where we need to go in the conversation.
Casey: So I'm so excited for you to tune in, especially if you feel like you got your shit together and in most areas of your life, but like, love feels like a thing that's kind of like, huh? Why is this part hard for me? You know, this episode's for you. Here we go. I'd love for you to meet Tara Newton, Gale, founder of truer.
Casey: Love.
Casey: Terran.
Casey: I just love that you're here with me in my hotel [00:10:00] room in Venice, California, and we're going to dig right into some relationship, talk, some attachment style business,
Taryn: basically
Casey: just an extension of dinner. Yes. An extension of dinner. and I feel like there'll be some magic that will take us in whatever direction we need to go.
Casey: I have no doubt. Exactly. So, okay. I've been noticing this thing. I noticed it in myself. I've noticed it in myself as a pattern. I see it in my clients. I see it in my. especially those who identify as strong, independent, ambitious women, where they set dreams, set goals, take action, move toward creating the vision that they see for themselves.
Casey: And they also want to be in a relationship. I also want to be in a relationship. I can feel like I can speak from the eye and from the perspective of these clients and friends, and then a relationship happens and it is fun [00:11:00] and exciting and goes well. And then there's some point where it's like, they, we,
Taryn: I
Casey: shrink start to lose myself, lose the ambitious part.
question doubt, wonder what's right. And what's not right. Or if I should stay or go and it takes up so much mental space
Taryn: that.
Casey: I we feel exhausted. Yeah. And I just want to like, put that on the table as a starting place. Like how much do you resonate with that story or see it in your clients?
Taryn: I definitely resonate with it.
Taryn: I definitely feel like I experienced it back in my single days, my single lady days. And I think it's a very common theme in clients as well, though. My work with my clients is very much focused on noticing [00:12:00] the patterns that will lead to that and encouraging them to either speak up and change the dynamic of that relationship or cut it off.
Taryn: So I provide them with hands on help for this issue. so I don't always see it in them extending out further than maybe. It could without me, I guess, which sounds very self congratulatory. It's not supposed to, but just, it's just, I'm very, you know, encouraging because I see those patterns. Right. You know?
but I do think it's, it's a thing for sure. And I think there's a lot of reasons for it that could take this whole episodes. Right. Okay. You know, kind of figuring out how I want to, or how we want to approach and, you know, take a stab at that. I guess I could just say the first things that come to my head in general, broad strokes, and then we can go more in depth with them.
So, first of all, as we know, I study attachment theory, I live in attachment. and for those of you who are somewhat [00:13:00] familiar, just a little, you know, short definition is that it's the study of how humans bond and intimate relationships. And I honestly, I think animals all have attachment styles too. I think most mammals probably do, but definitely humans at the very least and attachment explains a lot.
Taryn: And it definitely explains a lot about that dynamic, especially for women who have anxious attachment styles. And I, and we can talk about what that means when we say someone has an anxious attachment style. But the reason I specifically point out women who have anxious attachment styles is because.
Taryn: There's a lot of layers that make up our identity, right. Where we're from culturally. Right. And what that culture believes is. Okay. And not okay. And teaches us about our role as women or people. Our role is about communicating things like that. Right. That's going to impact our [00:14:00] relationship, our identity, our race is going to impact our relationship, all the messages we get about that.
Taryn: And what's okay. And what's not attachment to me is one of those layers. Right? It influences the other things. It, it maybe doesn't stand on its own all the time, but it has an impact. And I think there's a really interesting intersection of women or people who were raised as when, or identify as women. and people who have anxious attachment styles because it's this place where the two disempowered feelings come together and.
Taryn: I think that's what leads to a lot of these kinds of relationships, because our messaging we get as a woman is to give everything up for someone. And when you have an anxious attachment style, we're also inclined to let go of our needs and give them up for someone. Wow.
Casey: Yeah. It's like intersecting, disempowerment.
Casey: Yeah. That's learned culturally societaly in a conditioned way. Yeah. I'm curious if [00:15:00] you could share a little bit more, you, you said earlier that you resonate with that pattern or have resonated in the past and, and then there's these, like, there's something that you learned that kind of changed things and has allowed you to help other people.
Casey: Can you tell us a little bit more about your story and that pathway of being maybe caught up in this pattern and then what's the piece that really made things shift for you and how did that play out?
Taryn: Great questions. So. I'll start back after college. I was really on a high in college. I was directing shows, had a great group of friends.
Taryn: Like I was in a prime, right? Like I was in a high point. And the last quarter of college, I learned that a guy who I had met freshman year, who I had always had a little distant crush on, might also have a little crush on me. And very quickly I fell from [00:16:00] grace. I suppose you could say, because I didn't really know what I wanted to do after college.
Taryn: I had gotten my degree in theater and I started out wanting to be an actress. And then it led to me, you know, producing and directing in college. And you think I would have just gone back home to LA, but I had started this relationship and I wanted to see where it went. And since I didn't know what I wanted to do, I remember consciously saying to myself, well, I don't know what I want to do.
Taryn: So I'll just follow him to his hometown in Sacramento, California, where there's so much for me to do there. Right. and you know, we actually started out staying in Santa Cruz where we went to school and I moved in with him and a few friends of his. And so I was the girl in this like bachelor pad. I didn't have a job I liked.
Taryn: And we hadn't been together that long. So I like slowly started just feeling like I was losing myself, [00:17:00] but I wanted it to work out. And so we stayed together for a while. It being kind of iffy. And I kept telling myself, well, you know, once we live alone and we're not with these people, it will be different.
Taryn: Right. We always have that thing like, well, when this happens or if this happens, if just this shifted that'll change this relationship. Right. So, and it wasn't all bad. By any means we did have fun together. There were certain ways where I understood why we were together, but we didn't have a healthy intimacy or a healthy way of communicating.
Taryn: And I didn't understand that at the time. And so, anyway, skip ahead. We moved to Sacramento. We move in together. We're together like two years. And I think just as the time went by, I just slowly kept losing pieces of myself. You know, all his friends became my friends. I still connected to my friends who are back home, but on a daily basis, I was surrounded by his world, you know, and it took me [00:18:00] being really, really unhappy to finally have us come to this decision that we needed to break up and.
Taryn: And then, you know, I went home and I dated a string of avoidant people just like he was avoidant, but going home was the first empowering step for me going home to LA, actually breaking up with him first. Then I stayed in Sacramento for a year and lived with a friend. So that was like a little healing, but I knew that that wasn't my city.
Taryn: And so making the decision to go home and then I started pursuing TV and film there. I started pursuing makeup and I started to come alive again, you know, but I still found myself in these. I don't want to say toxic relationships, but very dead end relationships. I dated, you know, a lot of random people who I met on Tinder.
Taryn: People ghosting me, me getting really attached really quickly and not understanding it and feeling like what's wrong with me. My younger sister actually is about to be married for 10 years and I'm [00:19:00] getting married in November. So, you know, I was the older sister who wasn't married. A lot of my close friends were married.
Taryn: So it felt like this focus on me, you know, and I felt like what was wrong with me that like, I couldn't make these relationships work. You know, the one in Sacramento is the longest one, but it's not like it was a healthy relationship, you know? And then long story short, I heard about attachment theory on some podcasts thought it was interesting.
Taryn: And then when I was dating, my therapist mentioned the term attachment and I was like, what is that? Can you back up? Cause I, I heard the term, but I didn't really understand what it meant. And she had me read the book attached with the hearts on it, where everyone starts on their attachment journey.
Taryn: And I mean, it, it really breaks it down well, and it's like, all these light bulbs went off, you know? but. I think that that feeling, even though I left Sacramento, I just manifested it in other relationships because it was a feeling of feeling disempowered and it was a feeling of [00:20:00] betraying myself, you know?
Taryn: And I think that's really how I felt that whole time in that relationship. But I was betraying myself because I knew there were things that I wasn't okay with. The ways that he talked to me, ways that he treated me, you know, decisions that I made because he liked them. Not because I liked them. And. I think that it's a very anxiously attached thing to do, and we have insecure attachment or even fearful avoidant people, where we sacrifice what we want for the sake of, we want this person close to us.
but I think that that messaging is only. Reinforced through these like gender roles, you know, of women are supposed to give themselves to the man and give everything. And so it puts us on this path to ultimately losing who we are losing our sense of self, because we want the relationship to work.
Taryn: Even when the relationship isn't serving. Right.
Casey: Yeah. You've used the terms you've referred to yourself as anxiously attached to you. You said I continued to date to series of avoidant people. It sounds [00:21:00] like you didn't know what that meant at the time, but obviously hindsight's 2020. You can use that term now, and then you use the term like fearful avoidant.
Casey: And so this might be a good moment to break down for those of you who are listening, who are hearing about attachment styles and attachment theory for the first time, what those are, what those main types are. And if you could share a little bit more about the light bulb moment, when your therapist was like, you should maybe look into attachment and you did all this probably rabbit hole research, like what did you learn and why did that impact your life?
Taryn: Yeah. Well, I like to say. All of this stuff started naming things that I already intuitively knew, but didn't have words for. so I think that's where the light bulb comes off as like, you kind of subconsciously understand it on a certain level, but you don't know how to explain it. and for me that was, I think, well, first of all, let me back up, back in.
Taryn: I, I get so quick to talk about this style and that style, [00:22:00] but I'm going to yeah. Break it down. So there are four styles of attachment and some people really just talk about the main three, which are secure, anxious and avoidant. And I'll explain what those mean, but there's a very small percentage of people who are a combination of anxious.
Taryn: And I think that they are important to talk about because they have their own distinct characteristics. So I always explain the styles in relation to secure first, because someone who's secure means that they don't have any kind of core wound from their childhood that made them feel that vulnerability was unsafe.
Taryn: They basically were encouraged to express their feelings, to have emotions. Those feelings were acknowledged, and they were also taught it's okay to show your emotions and give someone love and also receive that love. So this doesn't mean they're perfect. Secure people have feelings, they get triggered by [00:23:00] things, but they're not taught to fear emotion.
Taryn: They're taught emotions happen and we can bring them up and we can talk about them. And we move on, you know, by and large, that's kind of that the paradigm that they're programmed with, they generally had warm, secure, attentive parents. Our attachment style forms. And the first two years of life, usually that's where the initial style starts to form.
Taryn: And so that's why we say parents. Now it could be another kind of caregiver or, you know, another significant relationship later in life can affect you, but that's where it starts. And then anxious and avoidant are the two main types of insecure styles. And that's because they had parents or caregivers or someone early in life who for some reason gave them the message that vulnerability was not always safe.
Taryn: And so what that looks like is maybe they had one parent who is secure and another parent who was insecure. And so that insecure person. [00:24:00] Wasn't always emotionally available. This is particular to the anxious attachment. That's how it forms is that they usually have some sense of security. So they long for closeness, but because they have this other parent or figure who kind of goes in and out of being emotionally available, they're constantly anticipating that that other caregiver is going to be unavailable to them.
Taryn: So they work really hard to keep that person interested or to make sure they're not going to leave them. There's this fear of abandonment there, you know? And, and so they become preoccupied with this, like pleasing this other parents. So that's where a lot of people pleasers come from. Right. so that's the anxious style in a nutshell, avoidant is the opposite.
Taryn: So the avoidant person. Generally didn't feel there was a lot of safety at all. They didn't necessarily have a secure parent. Sometimes they did, but maybe let's say that secure parent was a single parent and they weren't around a lot. Or they had one [00:25:00] parent who was abusive or whatever it is. It depends, you know, but they don't have a safe place to go, so they have to rely on themselves.
Taryn: And so, whereas the anxious person kind of looks to the, outside to that parent to feel better. Like, come sit with me, come sit with me. Cause I know you will, at some point the avoidant person doesn't have that person. So they go in themselves and learn to kind of process internally and self-soothe, but it makes it very hard for them to express themselves to others.
Taryn: And sometimes they actually don't even feel their own feelings. They just learned that feelings are not safe. And so sometimes. excuse me. So sometimes avoidant people will describe their feelings as numb. I'm just not feeling anything. I feel numb or I don't know what I feel. You know, they don't have the same access to their emotions because they weren't encouraged to feel them.
Taryn: You know? And so the fearful avoidant person is this little [00:26:00] subgroup of people who are similar to anxious people and that they maybe had some security growing up. And so they felt that sense of closeness and they long for it, but they weren't taught how to. They weren't taught how to deal with it in a healthy way and like the anxious person.
Taryn: But whereas the anxious person will go closer and try to do what we call activating strategies to get closer. The avoidant person uses deactivating strategies where they go off and cut you off and go on their own to feel better. And so the fearful avoidant might feel the anxiety that the anxious person feels and the desire for closeness, but instead of kind of pushing themselves on someone, they'll cut themselves off the way an avoidant person does and go like need space.
Taryn: I need to be alone in process by them. so they're really interesting because their core wound is of betrayal [00:27:00] because they usually had two inconsistent parents. So they never knew if they could trust. So all the insecure styles struggle with trust, but specifically the fearful avoidant has this fear that they can never trust ever.
Taryn: Like it's like they're very sensitive. they also late a lot. They, they like live in chaos a lot. they're very sensitive group of people. They can be very charming, but very sensitive and, avoidant person in an avoidant person's core wound. I'm going to say that one more time and avoidant person's core wound is kind of this feeling of being.
Taryn: Trying to think of the phrase, not, not good enough, but kind of damaged almost like they don't think they are good at relationships. They don't think they're good at love. That's why they tend to be hyper independent. They push it away. They don't think they're going to be able to be intimate, you know, or feel those feelings.
so all of those styles kind of have their own characteristics and they play out differently and then they [00:28:00] interact with each other. And so, you know, the one I was talking about with my avoidant partners is that there's this very common dynamic between anxious and avoidant people who are attracted to each other, but at the same time trigger each other because they process differently.
Taryn: So that's a very common dynamic.
Casey: So when you learned about. At anxious attachment. And what I'm hearing you say is there was like an identification with that anxious attachment style for you, and you recognize that you were dating or being in relationships with people who would have more of an avoidant attachment style.
Casey: When you learned this, the light bulbs went off, things made sense. And then what did you start to do differently?
Taryn: Ah, well, I tried to not date avoidant people, period. We just want to make the caveat, as we were saying at dinner, like I think of when people [00:29:00] get very demonized, sometimes these discussion because they are very triggering for anxious people.
but that doesn't mean avoidant people. Aren't people, you can have a relationship with a lot of people can, but it's kind of by knowing about attachment. You can understand. Why that person's being that way and what they need right now. And as long as you can live with the fact that. They might need something that triggers you in the moment.
Taryn: You know what I mean? And that's really why the light bulb went off for me when I was learning about it, because I kept being in these situations where I always say I was a baller on the first three dates. Like I was always so charming and easy going and fun. And like, I just, I could tell they were, I knew they were going to be into me.
Taryn: I could tell they would want to see me again. But then the minute that I would realize I liked them is when it would all go to shit and I would start feeling anxious and I wouldn't know what to do. I would question my every move. Should I text them? Should I not? Should I say this? Should I not? I would make [00:30:00] myself crazy and I could never understand what would switch for me.
Taryn: Like I noticed that it was when I started to have feelings, but like, they didn't do anything differently. Like why was it when I noticed I had feelings? Like, and so when I was reading about the fact that, you know, Anxious and avoidant people attract each other because anxious people provide a certain warmth, like a certain emotional grounding that avoidant people are lacking themselves.
Taryn: So there is a true chemistry that's happening and why there's an attraction there, but because they trigger each other, it can go downhill and get dark very quickly because the minute that I would feel a guy pull away, or he wouldn't be as responsive as, before anything that might mean something in my not.
Taryn: I would immediately get insecure and the wafer, an anxious person to feel better is to seek that person out and get reassurance, you know? Cause we don't learn to self-sooth. So we [00:31:00] immediately say like, what are you doing? Like, you know, or like we start calling them on things or bringing things up and it can become so frantic that it overwhelms the avoidant person who doesn't have the tools to deal with those emotions.
Taryn: And so then they back up, but then that triggers us even more. And so it creates this trap, the anxious of what it trap that just can get so dark so quickly and. And everything that we do ends up being about pleasing that other person and making sure they're not leaving because we're getting this like primal fear that they're going to leave.
Taryn: And I, I think that's where the spiral starts to happen. Going back to your original question of when we lose ourselves, it's because it's this very primal fear that we're losing the significant other, you know, attachment is actually a survival mechanism. John, John Bowlby, who, you know, first introduce this concept of parent and child attachment was very inspired by Darwin and he believed that our attachment system, our hormones [00:32:00] of oxytocin and vasopressin all.
Taryn: Exist so that we can feel close to someone because then we have a higher chance of survival. And that back in the day, the early humans who didn't have these hormones, they ended up dying out more quickly. So we actually, you know, evolved to emotionally attach to people, not just for procreation, but to form these little family units.
Taryn: So when we are triggered by someone who we think is close to us or who we have formed an attachment to, it's like. actual biological primal thing going off in our bodies. Right. That takes us over. So if you don't know what that is, you're going to think it's a million other things, right? Like what is wrong with me that this is happening to
Casey: me, right?
Casey: There's something so powerful recognizing the biology. And also when you spoke about. Childhood experiences and caregivers are those who are the primary figures that are going to offer up care and love or not, or in a specific way. It's like when we put this all [00:33:00] into perspective in that way for me, anyway, I feel so much compassion for myself and my own attachment style because I think of myself as a little baby even, or even honestly, in the womb before even coming into the world, my parents had their own attachment styles playing out.
Casey: And so much of that though. It's not my fault and it's biological. And, and so I, I guess I should say though, it's my responsibility to grow and be aware and raise consciousness around my decisions in relationship. it's not fully my fault that they're there in the first place. And there's something about.
Casey: Accepting that that I think helps me with self-compassion in moments when I'm triggered or I notice my say anxious attachment style at play. And also it helps me to offer more compassion to other people too, because they're biologically reacting and responding according to what their system learned [00:34:00] quite young.
Casey: Yeah. And, and, you know, we've talked about this so much before how this parallels with like work around the nervous system and polyvagal theory and embodiment, how, like our bodies are just trying to keep us safe and protected and our life kicking us into anxiety or tapping us out because that's a survival mechanism.
Casey: Yep. but what's so powerful. And what I think you share so beautifully in your story is that through being able to name. A pattern or something that you intuitively knew, being able to put words to, it helps to sort of validate it, understand it, bring something that was unconscious or subconscious into the light that then helps you to make decisions that are in alignment and are kinder and more compassionate so that you suffer less.
Taryn: Yes. So beautifully said absolutely. And that is why I fell in love with attachment theory is because it was liberating for me. Just like you said, it allowed me, it gave me permission to be [00:35:00] compassionate to myself when I realized that this pattern wasn't my fault, you know? And suddenly it clicked that there wasn't anything wrong with me.
Taryn: I wasn't damaged goods. It wasn't that I didn't know how to have a relationship is that I learned the certain kind of patterning and it was playing out. And yeah, now that I can name it and I understand that. That's when I was able to make that more conscious choice and choose a partner who I knew was secure, you know, break up with partners that I knew were avoidant quicker.
Taryn: You know, when I noticed it more quickly.
Casey: Yeah. And not get to the point, you know, going back to what you said earlier with your clients, you don't see them get to the point where they're fully losing themselves because they're catching and bringing awareness to the attachment pattern that's playing out and making a choice quicker to avoid unnecessary suffering.
Casey: Exactly. Yeah. Makes sense. Okay. So. If you're listening. I have to have to just say this at dinner earlier today, Karen and I were talking, there were so many [00:36:00] moments where we were like, oh shit, we should have been recording this. but there was a moment where she, she was telling me this story about her husband hock, soon to be husband talk.
Casey: Are you actually
Taryn: officially we're actually legally married because we legally got married in COVID but our wedding is in November.
Casey: Yes. Right, right, right. So, Terrence has been hot. Yeah. She was gushing about him. And then she paused for a moment and she like looked at me and checked in with me and was like, oh, Casey.
Casey: I'm just like talking about my wedding and my husband. And like all these things that I love about him. And, you know, in short, you were being so sensitive. That I'm a single woman and I would love to find a person who's a great fit for me. And, with an attachment style that works for my attachment style and, yeah, turn so thoughtfully checked in with me and was like, does that feel okay?
Casey: And I was like, yes, can't you see me leaning forward? Because I think that we need. Examples of beautiful securely [00:37:00] attached partnerships. And to your point earlier about the intersection of like an anxious attachment style and the gender of what being a woman, how, how there's like such conditioning that almost normalizes an unhealthy relationship, normalizes, insecure attachment styles coming together and creating suffering for people.
Casey: Normalizes what I said at the beginning, like women, frankly, staying too long in dynamics and you know what we trust our, our journey and pattern and, you know, I should put too long in quotes, but it's like normalized to, to be in something that's. Isn't secure. And so what I said to Terran in that moment was like, please share everything always about like this love of your life and this like secure relationship that you're in, because it acts as such an expensive model for, for those of [00:38:00] us who are single and discerning.
Casey: Whoo. That's what I'm going to call it. That's where I feel like I'm at right now. It's like, I feel single and discerning. Like, I feel like I know what I'm looking for from the lens of healthy relationship. And I'm not going to stick around for very long and something that I can identify red flags in that won't make it safe for me to be who I am, you know?
Casey: And, and I think that like being able to see examples of what's healthy and hearing stories about what that looks like and how that goes. Only helps me to stay in my power and stay grounded in myself and my authenticity and the inner work that I've done and be open and ready and present for the type of love that I really want.
without like turning on myself and making it my fault, if I'm not finding exactly what I'm looking for, you know? Yeah, absolutely. [00:39:00] So let, let us talk now about the secure partnership, because like, obviously you've been on a journey and you've learned some things along the way and you're in a healthy relationship with someone that you
Taryn: adore.
Taryn: Yeah. Yeah. It's, it's a breath of fresh air I have to say. And you know, as much as I'm used to it, there's still moments where like, oh, you're really great. but I will say that I have so many thoughts based on all the things you just said. I think that discerning is such a good word. And it's funny because it's been coming up a lot for me lately, that word, like in different situations, my sister called me discerning the other day because I couldn't find the perfect color, the nail salon.
Taryn: And I was being very particular and my mom, or, you know, in a more another context where someone's being specific with me, they might tell me I'm being picky. Right. That's like, but, and I feel like, I feel
Casey: like this is hitting something. And I feel like, I feel like, yes, [00:40:00] go down this path, picky, perfectionistic.
Taryn: Those are the things we tell ourselves. Look, there is a balance between giving people more of a chance and being quick to shut them off. Right? Like sometimes we spend too long and sometimes we shut them off too quickly. And that's a question I get from clients a lot. Is this question about discernment?
Taryn: How do I know? How do I know when to stop or when to not, or, and. The truth is attachment. First of all, comes down to consistency. So that's how we actually learn our programming to begin with how our style develops, how were we consistently treated, you know, or not treated. And so when you're dating someone, if they are consistently being a certain way that keeps bugging you either you have to bring it up and break the cycle and see if that makes a difference and in good relationships where there are, they are a secure person or they're open to receiving you.
Taryn: They will hear what you're [00:41:00] saying from an honest place, and they will make that adjustment. And that re that conversation will make you feel better. Yes. If you bring it up to them and they don't acknowledge you, they don't see you. They make you feel bad. They judge you. It feels unsafe. That is a sign that it's probably not going to change, you know, and that, that behavior is going to continue.
Taryn: And I think intuitively women are very intuitive. That also comes down to our biology. Actually. I don't know if you know this, but women have four times more anxiety in general than men. And that is also a survival thing. Because back in the day, when men were hunters, that's a very present focused activity.
Taryn: You have to be very present. Right. Whereas women were protecting their young. And so they were always being aware of what was around them and sensing danger. So they were always looking ahead and women are very like, focused ahead. Like we can, I feel like that's why we say like we're psychic or we see the future.
Taryn: We just feel we have that sense about us, [00:42:00] you know? And, so I thought,
Casey: I was so present with you. I'm like
Taryn: anxiety. okay. Let's bring it back. Let's bring it back. Let's
Casey: bring it back.
Taryn: You were talking about HUC. I was talking about how well we started bringing up, bringing up things with people and then
Casey: safely received
Taryn: safely received. Yeah. And, yeah. And so I think women, we get very preoccupied with that future and that comes down to a lot of our culture as well as our biology.
Taryn: So we already have that like biological predisposition to be preoccupied with how things are going to be aware of the future. But I think on top of that, that layer of. That messaging that a woman's not complete until she's married. I mean, at least that was the message I got as a single person all those years that I [00:43:00] resented so much.
that was a really big rough spot for me because I, and I think I rebelled against the idea of being in a relationship to a degree and really swayed towards hyper independence because I resented the fact that people looked at me like I was not a complete person if I wasn't married. And that's not to say that people don't want men to be married or encourage them or people who are, you know, non-binary or on a different spectrum, you know, who are not part of that typical binary, but culturally there is this thing with women getting married, right.
Taryn: Which started back in the day for its own reasons, but has evolved into like this romanticized idea, you know, and it plays to women's biology, that messaging, because we are. W we do long to connect. We have the nurturing part of us. We have more oxytocin in us. So it's like, look, they influence each other they're related, you know, but I think it just, it's all leads to being [00:44:00] very disempowered.
Taryn: When you think I'm not complete without this partner, which I don't think men experience in the same way, men might long for a relationship, but I don't think they're receiving the messaging that they're incomplete without it. I don't think that their confidence and their sense of self is being validated by being partnered in the same way.
Taryn: And that is a really damaging message that I think only compounds anxiously attached or insecurely attached to women. And so coming back to that comment about discerning, I think that it's hard to discern. When you feel disempowered.
Casey: Yes. Right? Yes. Wow. That, that is a line it's hard to discern when you feel disempowered.
Casey: Yeah.
because to discern means that you trust your own judgment enough. And if you don't feel confident in yourself, you don't feel empowered. You're not going to trust your
Casey: decision making. Yeah. [00:45:00] Yeah. Wholly. And when you're disempowered, you're often not embodied. Right. If we kind of connect it that way, if you're disempowered, you're not fully existing in your body.
Casey: And I believe that my body is where my intuition lives, you know? So I'm just making some connections
Taryn: there. Yeah, absolutely. it's, it's kind of like how, when you're triggered, right? Like speaking of embodiment. Right. And we're when you have anxiety. You're very in your head, right? You're not present, you're not in your body.
Taryn: Right. Anxiety itself, like kind of what we were just talking about with, you know, women back in the day. It's very future-focused right. Yeah. And so by definition, you're not present in your body. And I think that when we're in relationships that don't serve us, it automatically puts us in that place. So we're disconnected from our intuition [00:46:00] because we're not embodied
Casey: more.
Casey: Or even if we still have that connection to the intuition, we don't trust it. We doubt it. I believe that to be true for me anyway.
Taryn: Yeah. I actually think that's absolutely true. It's and I think that comes back to the confidence to trust ourselves. Right. I do think women's intuition is always there, but I think that.
Taryn: When we feel anxious or when we feel disempowered, there's a lot of justifying that goes on. There's a lot of judging ourselves that goes on. And there's a lot that I think that just makes us not trust or it makes us doubt that intuition and it, and it stifles it sort of, you know,
Casey: okay. We kind of danced around you telling us about you and Huck
Taryn: because I forgot you asked.
Taryn: I did.
Casey: And I think the discernment conversation was like really important, [00:47:00] even if we sort of lost our train of thought in the moment there, like we both did it together. We were so present with one another and then it was like, wait, where did we go from here? yeah, but like truly like an example of your relationship with Hawk, which you would define as something that feels really secure.
Casey: I'm curious if you could like take us into a moment that feels comfortable for you to share of how you show up for each other. That is an example of that security that's different from when you were yeah. Anxiously dating avoidant people.
Taryn: Yeah. You say the biggest thing, like broad stroke overall, and we can get granular with it if you want.
is that when I was a single person and I was dating people, no matter how well I was consciously telling myself the relationship was going. All of the emotions about the relationship and about the person we're being processed by myself. [00:48:00] I'm like, whoa. Yeah, all my doubts, all my excitement, all my fears.
Taryn: Like I was afraid to tell them anything. And I find that to be very, very common in my clients that we have this idea that we have to talk amongst ourselves, tell our friends, journal, figure it out like that. We have to make the right move. We have to figure out what is the right thing to do without that person.
Taryn: So that when we go to them, we'll present it in the right way. And they won't like leave us or change their mind or that's
Casey: so perfectionistic too. Right. It's like, let me be perfect. So you don't abandon me. And even if it relates to our relationship, I'll go take it away and figure it out on my own and then come back and we'll go.
Taryn: Exactly well because we're, we're taught that. We can't show any insecurity, right? That I at least used to get the message that men want women who are confident. And if you are showing any kind of insecurity, they're not going to want you. And so I, [00:49:00] can't be honest about having a moment where I feel vulnerable because that's going to turn them away.
Taryn: And the fact is is that when you're dating avoidant people and you take the chance to just show up and then it just proves your own point, you know, you're older, your worst fear. Exactly. And so then it keeps you time and time again, you're in those situations where it proves that to you. And so then it makes you go into yourself more and more.
Taryn: And so what I find is that people are very alone in their relationships a lot. And that's the worst part. I mean, the worst feeling. That's how I used to feel with my boyfriend in Sacramento is that I'm with you, I'm living with you, I'm sharing a bed with you, and yet I feel alone. Ooh, why? And it's because I was having all these feelings.
Taryn: I either felt like I couldn't share, or when I did share them, they were ridiculed or rejected or ignored or whatever. And so you're not forming that intimacy because the way you formed that intimacy is by sharing those very scary things. You know, if you think about your closest friends or your closest family members of the [00:50:00] people in your life, like sometimes the big blowout sites or, you know, those really scary moments actually make you closer and in good relationships, that's what builds.
Taryn: You know, when you don't feel alone, you feel like we're in this together, we're a team and you create this kind of energy and dynamic. That becomes its thing, own thing unto itself, right? You're not just these two separate people anymore, as you would say, Casey are, co-regulating, that's true. and that's very important, you know, to growth and to happiness and to security.
Taryn: And so I would say that is the biggest difference in my relationship now is that I never feel that. Never ever, ever. And part of that is because he reads me very, very well, but it's also because our relationship is founded on complete transparency and every look is discussed. If it needs to be, we don't have to discuss every look, but like, we are always in tune with the other person's feelings.
Taryn: And even if we're having a discussion where we don't fully understand, we'll work to understand stand [00:51:00] we'll work to understand, or we'll say, okay, this conversation is not over. You know, there's an attentiveness to my feelings from him that I never had before. Wow. You know, and that's, his security is what has made me more secure.
Taryn: And that's a lot of the time how it happens is that by discerning people who can be present with you and are willing to receive your emotions, it makes us more secure because. Then we actually share our emotions and we're less than our head. We feel less insecure, you know? so I think that's a really big thing is that people are afraid to speak up, especially when they're first dating people, because that trust hasn't been established.
Taryn: And so there's this fear, you know, that keeps them from being honest. But when you do that, you're actually doing yourself a disservice a because you're not getting to know the person. and you're not giving them the opportunity to show you who they are and you're not letting them really get to know [00:52:00] you.
Taryn: So of course it's not going to go somewhere genuine. Right, right,
Casey: right. Yeah. It's like your, your masks or your costumes or who you're pretending to be in the relationship rather than your authentic self. And of course, if safety's not there and if the security hasn't been established.
Taryn: Yeah. And I think that happens a lot.
Taryn: I think that we ego projected. Ourselves onto relationships. I think that we find attractive kind of the things we wish we had in ourselves. And, and we, you know, are trying to be this person we have in our head. And so it's a lot of, that's where the self work comes in first is getting to know ourselves authentically and loving ourselves authentically enough to know where we're showing our authentic self in a relationship
Casey: situation.
Casey: Yeah. Yeah, totally. I mean, this podcast is called the purpose map [00:53:00] podcast and it's built upon the purpose map framework, which has everything to do with finding that alignment and sense of connection with who you are. What you're here for on the inside. And the whole point of it is, is about like finding aligned success, inner fulfillment and aligned success.
Casey: Because without that self wisdom, self knowledge, to an extent, like we're always going to be growing till the day we die and like learning about ourselves till the day we die, hopefully. but without that, it's like, you're chasing something you think you should want, or that your attachment style has guided you to want or your trauma or your patterns or your whatever, rather than authenticity being the guiding force of, you know, what you're
Taryn: calling in.
Taryn: Right. And of that discernment or decision-making. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. So that's kind of. The broad strokes of it, I guess you could say,
Casey: there was a lot there, terrorist. Yes. You could go so much deeper with Terran in so many [00:54:00] different ways. Here's a moment for that. Like tell us, tell us how people can go deeper with you and learn some of the minutia of attachment styles.
Taryn: Yeah. Well, really attachment is a process, you know, like anything, it's not like here's point a here's point B. Okay. I'm going to be secure in a minute and that's a question. I get a lot. How do I become secure? How do I become. The way you become secure is by first accepting that you're
Casey: anxious, you have
Taryn: an insecure style.
Taryn: Yeah. And knowing what that means and loving yourself anyway. And I know it sounds trite and you know, that you could put it in the hallmark card, but it is the truth. And so I'd say first, you know what I do in my practice with clients in my one-to-one practice, and that, you know, moving towards scaling on a greater level for people, but it's basically first getting clear on what attachment theory is, what style you are.
Taryn: I have a quiz that you can find at my website, truer, love.com [00:55:00] and. So that's the first step, you know, you get to know what are my strategies I use if there's are anxious of this or avoidant strategies, or am I secure? And what are the kinds of people who I tend to date and I kind of help people identify that.
Taryn: And then, you know, it's, it's some shadow work. Cause I like to think of, attachment as shadow work because oftentimes it's things that we've become ashamed of like that we don't bring up in relationships, things that we feel make us needy or too dependent or whatever judgments we're giving ourselves that we've pushed those feelings down.
Taryn: And so it's really this process of identifying those things, how they show up personally for you and. Learning to love them and accept them. And then also simultaneously identifying these patterns and other people, and then the work of integrating it. So that's kind of the piece. I think that takes a while and you [00:56:00] know, I, but, but as you do it, you start to see that you respond to people differently.
Taryn: You know, you get triggered differently or you get triggered still, but you notice you're being triggered. You understand why, and you're able to make more of an adjustment. And so my one-to-one coaching, I have, you know, some clients work with. Monthly and just, and by monthly, I mean, I see them every week of every month, so yeah, well I have monthly packages, but they just renew the monthly packages constantly.
but my intro package is six weeks and that's because I think six weeks is the amount of time it takes to really start understanding this work and starting to integrate it. And so I really am this kind of, I call myself a love guide and a woman's empowerment coach. But in this context, I'm the guide who is literally there for you.
Taryn: Hands-on to walk you through beginning a relationship or ending one, you know, maybe [00:57:00] it's somewhere in the middle, but, the point is, is that we. Are able to dissect what your attachment style is and see how it's showing up in your life. But also I encourage you to keep having those relationships. So if you're not dating, I encourage you to start dating if that's what you want, because then as you have things come up with the people you're interacting with, you get triggered or something, then we can analyze it together and we can talk about, okay, what came up for you?
Taryn: Why did it come up? And what are some ways that you can deal with this situation and approach it from a more secure way, you know? And so it really is each time that you approach a situation differently and communicate just a little bit differently than you did before. Speak up a little bit more than you had before.
Taryn: It's amazing the transformation that starts to take place because that's where the self-worth piece comes in. And you start to really subconsciously believe that you're worthy of more because you're actually asking for more. And it's really amazing to see that transformation in my clients. [00:58:00] I am working towards actually doing a group coaching.
Taryn: So basically taking what I do with one-to-one clients and making it a group situation, because I do find I have a little membership community for all the clients who have worked with me. And I find that it's really helpful to be around other people who are going through the same thing at the same time.
Taryn: Yeah. There's a lot of insight that happens from that. And we do specialty workshops and we do group coaching calls and a whole thing. but that six week session is the place to start. And then you would be inserted into all of that.
Casey: I love that. I love that you're guiding people to walk the walk while you're teaching them the talk.
Casey: Yeah. And we were talking earlier, what I love about Taryn. What I love about you Taryn is that you really embody your work that you aren't just receiving. This information about attachment and then teaching it or translating it, you're like receiving it and integrating it in your own system, applying it, you've applied.
Casey: [00:59:00] It you've lived this work. And it's from that place, that true wisdom is being shared. And that you, I would imagine be able to hold space for your clients in a really compassionate and authentic way and help them to make decisions for themselves that feel empowering. Like it makes perfect sense that your love guide and women's empowerment coach, because I feel like what we talked about earlier around it's it's from that disempowered state that can be triggered from dating.
Casey: Maybe people who are not supporting your growth of building secure attachment, right. That like that's where everything sort of crumble. So it's like when you're teaching attachment and you're teaching how to. Love basically, you're also guiding women to become more empowered.
Taryn: Yeah. Well, I call myself both because they are interconnected, [01:00:00] right?
Taryn: They influence each other. It's synergistic for you to have a healthy love. You have to be empowered. And that's not to say people who are disempowered, I've never been in love. I also think that having a secure relationship can make you feel more empowered, of course, but it's being willing to ask for the things you need in that relationship, or know that you deserve it, which can be tricky, you know?
Taryn: And so I'm always trying to reflect that back to my clients. and yeah, it's because I know what it's like to feel really disempowered and, and that confusion where consciously, you know, That there's no reason for you to feel disempowered. You know, you're a, bad-ass, you know, you're great at this, this and the other, you know, you know, you have great friendships.
Taryn: Why do I feel so disempowered in these relationships? You know, and that is such a source of suffering for so many people that confusion and not knowing what to do about it. And. As soon as I learned about attachment, I became all obsessed about it. [01:01:00] I was just like, everyone needs to know about like, you know, this is life-changing and, and yeah, so I really, really try to help clients see things from a more empowered view.
Taryn: And I think that attachment in and of itself is an empowering approach. It's an empowering lens inherently because it teaches us to focus on our own needs, you know, and all that messaging that, doing things for yourself as selfish or, you know, putting your feelings and emotions out there as selfish or, you know, not what you should be doing.
Taryn: It kind of like turns that on its head. And it says no for you to have a secure relationship, the most important thing, and the most important factor in longevity and success and fulfillment is actually when two people both acknowledge their own needs and reciprocate, reciprocally, acknowledge each other's and work to meet each other's needs and their own every single.
Taryn: You know, and I love that it's such an empowering framework and that way, [01:02:00] you know, truly is. Yeah. So, I think everyone should do it, even if you're not, you know, in a romantic relationship or looking to be in one, it really extends to all relationships,
Casey: even if you are in a romantic relationship and you've been together for 30 years.
Casey: Yeah, absolutely. It's never too late to start learning this stuff.
Taryn: Right. It just brings so much more satisfaction and, and joy, and make you feel more in love. And, and I think, you know, so much of the time we're told what we should be focusing on when we're out there dating. And when we're assessing a mate and a lot of that is such surface stuff, you know, like what career do they have?
Taryn: Do they like to travel? What do they look like? Do they want a family? And while those things are important, of course, to me, They are not nearly as important as understanding our attachment needs. Like that is what everything comes down to. I was telling you about this, marriage, counselor, Sue Johnson.
Taryn: And she has her own [01:03:00] form. It's called, EFT. I'm forgetting exactly what it stands. Oh, emotionally focused therapy. And it's her own. couple's therapy, that's based on attachment. And her whole thing is literally everything that happens comes down to an attachment need. Any conflict, all comes down to attachment.
Taryn: And so to me, like building a secure relationship is like, I use this metaphor recently and I really like it is like the roots of a tree, right? Like if you're going to weather the storm of life together, you have to have strong roots. And from there. All the rest just grows. You know, it doesn't have to do with whether or not you have the same interests or that they're this height instead of that height, you know, like all the things that we write down on a manifestation list that we think are important are actually not the most important thing.
Taryn: The most important thing is how do they respond to you? Can they reassure you in a moment that you're not sure, you know, can you talk to them and feel better after that conversation instead of worse, you know? And these things sounds so basic, but they truly are the roots of any healthy relationship.
Taryn: [01:04:00] Yeah.
Casey: They are basic. They are the foundation. And yet sometimes we skip the basics. Yep. Yeah. Taryn, you really are the psychic that we weren't able to get into earlier. The psychic who left her open lights on 2, 2, 7 love. Cause I really, I really thought I wanted to kick off this podcast episode with a reading about my love life from a psychic and.
Casey: The lights were still on, but the psychic stores were closed. And Terran, you said to me, like, I'll be your psychic. I'm like, all right, let's go back to my hotel room and talk about love
Taryn: we are. But I did read you earlier. I was a psychic when I told you a future about the man I see for you.
Casey: When I said, I feel like maybe you should share that again, just in case he's listening.
Taryn: Okay. Yes. I think that's good. Let's call him in right here. All right. It's so yeah. Close [01:05:00] your eyes. So, man, I see you. I see you for Casey and you are a kind man. You're a humble man. Maybe you're an introvert. You're smart though. You're you're intuitive. You're enlightened, but you don't have to broadcast it.
Taryn: You know, you're woke, but you don't know that you're woke, you know, and you're strong enough for Casey. And you want her to shine? You. You see her and you want her to be seen and you're happy to just be that gentle pat on the back for her to push her along to her dreams while also being happy to live yours out behind the scenes.
or in whatever capacity that is. Cause she's going to support you too. Maybe you're a little quieter because she needs to be the talker. And you love that about her because she brings that out in, you brings you a little bit more out of your comfort zone and makes you feel safe. [01:06:00] And you really like the earth and nature and you, in case you're going to sit one day in front of some body of water and you're going to embrace her and fully embody her in your safe space.
Taryn: And she's going to know you're the one.
Casey: Yeah. I told Tara earlier about this vision I have of sitting by some water and this person behind me wrapping their legs and arms around me and me just like leaning back and surrendering. And, this was like immediately after Terran told me exactly what she just told you.
Casey: And I was like, yeah, that's like. Yeah.
Taryn: Nailed
Casey: it. Yeah. So if you're out there, I feel like like input worthy, email me, email me. You find me on Instagram. I'm there sometimes. okay. Terran, truer, love.com. Yes. At truer love with some underscores in there. [01:07:00]
Taryn: Good. Casey, you are good on Instagram. Yeah. It's underscore truer.
Taryn: Love underscore. As I always say, don't forget the underscores. Don't forget the underscores. Someone else thinks they're true. Truer love, but I don't know about them. JK JK. No. Hey, and
Casey: take the quiz. That's a great
Taryn: place to start. Insta bio it's on my website. It's a great place to start. If you have questions, DM me, I love to chat.
Taryn: I also offer a free clarity call. It's 45 minutes. Woo. Yeah. So we sit and we talk, you can usually take the quiz first. That's helpful. We talk about your attachment and we talk about where you're having challenges or what you really want to work on in love. And we'll kind of just get clear on some things for you kind of areas you could focus on.
Taryn: And, just to start our conversation
Casey: there, I love this Terran. Thank you so, so much for meeting with me, what a delight, having you in person to have this conversation and thank you for sharing your beautiful [01:08:00] wisdom and perspective on attachment styles and love and everything in
Taryn: between. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to talk about it because you know, I could talk about it all day long and I could talk to you all day long.
Taryn: So I hope we do it again. And this is the first podcast I've ever recorded in person. So, and
Casey: also in the evening, it's like, as we're recording this it's 10 23 and we have a bottle of Riesling open. And so if this, the tone is a little different than when I typically record mornings, you usually record in the mornings too.
Casey: Well, that is why that's why sending
Taryn: the late night after hours version.
Casey: Thanks so much for tuning in and Taren. I'll see you I'll see you soon, very soon. Okay, bye.
Casey: There you have it folks. I'm so curious what you learned through listening to that episode? You know, definitely ping me either on Instagram [01:09:00] at worthy and well, or you can email info at worthy unwell. I love engaging with you. And when you tell me what popped for you, what just like brought about this resonance, or if you felt like you got permission to be more yourself or, or you, I don't know, maybe gained a little nugget of wisdom that will help you in your relationships.
Casey: Gosh, I want to hear about that. I'm sure Taryn does too. So be sure to be in touch with us because I don't know. There's no point without you, you know, it's so much funner, funner. That's not a word so much more fun when we have this leg two-way conversation going. It's time for you to integrate. I don't know about you, but like I'm kind of feeling like taking that attachment style quiz of Terrance is a great place to take a next step.
Casey: Maybe you've already done that. Maybe you've like gone down deep rabbit holes around attachment theory. And there's another sort of, bit of wisdom that you can integrate, follow your own curiosity. I say that I think at the end of every guest episode. [01:10:00] but yeah, how can you take this one step further?
Casey: How can you take it one step further and really let the wisdom that Taryn shared land that's all for today? I can't wait to talk to you next week and maybe in between there, if you drop me a line. Alright, take really good care. Bye bye.
